inspiredbyinspiredbydooce.blogspot.com

I lead a rather simple life. I do similar things everyday. Sometimes I watch television when I could be reading a book. Sometimes I would rather go to Starbucks than the beach. Somedays when I am napping I let my machine pick up my calls.

One of my most acomplished friends is currently spending 6 months travelling and volunteering in South America. She went by herself. She is planning her journey as she finds it. She is creating enough memories to last other people several lifetimes. At first I thought I was jealous of her, and of her adventure. But I am not. I am inspired by it. I know me. I know I could spend a month in Europe travelling by myself. I also know that (right now) I could not spend six months in South America, by myself, without an iterniary. So I look at her amazing life and say - that is not my ultimate expression of me.

I have another friend - lived all over the world - gone to university in three countries for two degrees and worked in Switzerland for the UN. She speaks at least three languages fluently and I think three others passably. She has more life and energy in her than almost anyone I have ever met. She also has the most intense fear of emotional-romantic intamacy of anyone I have ever met (she knows this). Her life suits her, it allows her to push herself in all the ways which she wants, and to excel, and to be her ultimate expression of herself.

So why these stories? (and trust me, I have some pretty amazing friends, I could go on). Because these are woman whose adventures, but more importantly, whose spirits I admire. I was (for a long time) pushing myself to be the very best I could be - and I recently realized that how I saw myself, was not, in fact, how I was. I knew what my reflection looked like, so I never stopped to see if maybe it had changed. And it had.

Now I am in the very fortunate and deeply petrifying position of being at a crossroads - and I am completely okay with it (or so I tell myself). I can now decide who I want to make myself. How I think I can be the best, most true me possible. This is not a question that needs to be answered overnight, or a question with only one answer, or a question with a permanent answer. I can be an international aid worker, or a mother, or a flight attendant, or a nurse, or a teacher, or a writer, or a pet groomer. The world is full of extraordinary people living ordinary lives (and also ordinary people living extradorinary lives, which is an integral part of my theory of North American humanity, but is for another post). And I think that as long as I am an extraordinary person living an ordinary life I will be happy. I will strive, in my life, to never be ordinary. Or complacent. Or boring. Or bored. And though at different points I will be all those things, I will never be trapped in any of them. I will strive to become the best me I can be.

**Pleased by advised that the author is available to address your group or organization with inspirational, psycho-babble, b*llsh*t for a speaking fee of $100/hr. Quality assured as she is still innocent and optimistic enough to believe what she says.

quote of the day

On life some generally: Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

On writing: RB: That is so true. Very often you need to get networked into "Don’t care." If we think that we must be erudite, intellectual, and must never be seen as foolish, you’ve really started out on the wrong foot as a writer. Most new writers do just that. It takes a lot of experience to learn that the gift I have to give is my foolishness. It’s the craziness of my ideas that make them interesting, make them worthwhile. Once we learn to relax and not to worry about how the reader, the editor, or the publisher thinks of us. Then we can get down to the interesting writing.

Richard Bach

most famously author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, and author of "A Bridge Across Forever" my favourite book about love, fate and soulmates when I was a starry-eyed, daydreaming 13 year old.

At some point in the future I might actually post something that is not an image or a quote. In case anyone was wondering.

TV's longest running emmy award winning drama

I know I'd vote for him!

except for the fact he's not officially running, I am not registered to vote in America and he's a Republican... but aside from that!

Fabulous!

Darling, we are (I am, s/he is, they are) all kinds of fabulous!

getting the customers involved in marketing - brilliant

me if I was old, crazy, rich and an m&m



Devin as an m&m on the Road



Alex as an m&m on her way to the Dave Cave!



www.becomeanmm.com

existential crisis I

Washington, DC: Is there such a thing as a mid-twenties crisis?

Carolyn Hax: I hope there's such a thing, because mine was doozy. Here's my theory: Being post-school and pre-settled these days means you can be anything, do anything your imagination and abilities allow. It's a great gift--if you don't happen to be the one dealing with it. Otherwise, it bites. When you have limitless choices, suddenly nothing you have or do is good enough, because you know, in the back of your mind, there's something out there that's better. My advice: Take a deep breath, be honest about what you really want, and chase after it hard. Even failure is rewarding if you're truly reaching for something. If you have no CLUE what to reach for, join the club. It helped me just to make sure I was always moving forward, even if I wasn't sure about the direction. You can also start a process of elimination, trying whatever new things appeal to you to see if they're right for you. Life's a big chemistry experiment; go out there and start blowing things up. (Not literally please.)

Jo in Vic.

1) sushi
2) Glasgow Coma Scale
3) The Mint
4) The Shine Cafe
5) envy at not being massaged by a handsome man at the Delta Pointe
5) couscous is not a fruit
6) misplaced baggage, courtesy of Air Canada
7) returned baggage care of greatly confused and wandering man
8) The Larry
9) watching someone struggle with a facebook addiction

International Women's Day

(An Afghan woman holds flowers in Afghanistan during a fair to mark Women's Day at a women's park in Kabul.)

“No one will bring me flowers. My husband won't even bring me a stone. March 8th is for foreigners because they have good lives. I don't know anything about March 8th.” Qamar, an Afghan woman, on the idea of International Women's Day in Afghanistan. Officials estimate at least half of women there are forced into marriage and one out of three has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused.
© Copyright 2007 CTVglobemedia publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved.

I am.

Love it!

I spend far to much of my time looking for complicated answers to simple questions

Quote of Day

So much unhappiness comes from trying to do what we think we're supposed to want, instead of what suits us. - Caroline Hax

I've got to say - I definetly know what I am supposed to want. The question is - what suits me? Or alternatly - what do I actually want.

All of my favourite things together in one place!

love it, love it, love it!

why don't I have lots of money and black tie events to attend?

2 random sightings

1) This weekend at Safeway, at around 2pm, there was a man (white, 30 something) in line behind me in the checkout. He placed his basket on the turning thing in the checkout line and asked the cashier if she would like him to take his groceries out of the basket. Okay - I suppose he has maybe never been to supermarket before and didn't know the proper etiquette (seriously, like the cashier wants to take out your groceries!). But then I notice that under his grey overcoat he is wearing a tuxedo. A tuxedo wearing grocery store novice. RANDOM!

2) A man (30 something, asian) on the bus around 8am turning into the university. This mild mannered looking middle aged man was wearing a backpack with the playboy bunny logo on the back. Not like a pin, but that the maker of the backpack itself was playboy. Now either this man was unaware what the logo meant, or he was making a very strange and public statement about his personal porn preferences. RANDOM!

Seattle

1) Starbucks (original, square glass box, seattle centre)
2) keyrings
3) spaceneedle
4) EMP & Frank Gehry
5) guitar modern art
6) butterflies
7) knowing more about sciene science than Devin
8) walking past the bus parking lot, under the highway
9) watching a woman getting arrested in the Jack in the Box parking lot
10) Salmon Fillet, Salmon Fillet!
11) super practical showerhead
12) yummy thai food (cozy)
13) lots of skytrain monorail
14) there's a Betsy Johnson store!
15) and Fossil sells clothes!
16) not drinking coffee
17) blustery winds
18) ginger candies
19) being happy

Me Too!

Things involving Ovens

Last night I made an apple pie! I have never made an apple pie before. It turned out except that it was super sweet. This is because I used a recipe which called for a custard to be poured over the apples - and I chose this recipe because I was looking for one which did not require me to make my own crust for the top. So in conclusion - I was super pleased and yet still disappointed. Although I learned a new word: streusel!

And sometime this week Devin is going to make me dinner. We bet if Meredith was actually dead and I won! Now he claims that she was technically dead, but the spirit of the bet was will she stay dead or come back to life - I bet come to life so I win! Now to convince him of it....

GREY'S GOSSIP

while we're on the subject...

scene: the university of victoria health centre
L sitting in chair in doctor's office
enter doctor

Doctor: Hello, How are you today?
L: Good, yourself?
Doctor: Oh Fine (reading paper) hmmmm... when the nurse told me the test was positive, I thought it was a pregnancy test.
L: Oh!
Doctor: But I see here that it's not a pregnancy test.
L: No, it's not.
Doctor: So this test did not say you were pregnant.
L: Okay.
Doctor: It probably would have been a surprise to you if you were pregnant.
L: yes.
Doctor: especially since this was not a pregnancy test.
L: right
Doctor: So I guess you could still be pregnant...
L: I'm not.
Doctor: Okay then. Onto your actual test results....

So in conclusion, I spent the same amount of time discussing test results of a test I did not take with my doctor as I did discussing the test results of the test I did take.

And Congratulations to people out there who are actually pregnant (and by people I mean Kirsten - CONGRATULATIONS!!)

What's Goin' On...

1) My oldest friend (who I am no longer friends with) is getting married! She is the first of the people I went to grade school with (that I still get info about) to get married. I want to say "she is so young!" but she is not. She's not old. But engaged at 23, married at 24 is not too young.

2) The majority of people who wrote the midterm for the class I TA for did badly. So then I feel really badly - even though it is in no way my fault. If I was ever a teacher I would want everyone to do really well on everythig. which of course is not very practical. except for the kids that do not care at all about the class or about me or about doing well. In that case I still hope they do well, but I do not feel guilty if they don't.

3) The other day I was out shopping and the woman in the store pointed out a shirt to me that was made of soy. "Have you ever worn soy before?" she asked me. To which I replied in the negative - and sadly I also did not buy the shirt so I have still never worn soy. How 2004!

A baby story

There is a woman on TLC's "A baby story" who is having a home birth - and there will be 20 people (family and friends) present for the home birth (excluding the camera crew). 20 people is the number of people I want at my wedding!* And about 19 more than I want at the birth of my child. The woman (whose husband is in Iraq) is going to let her 3 year old daughter cut the cord (if the daughter wants). I've got to say, this seems pretty intense to me. But maybe I am just old fashioned. Now I am going to go get some work done and not spend my time anaylizing the birthing rituals of strangers.

*Note: the number I want is probably significantly less than the number I will actually have...

I myself have often wondered about the etiquette in this type of situation

"DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.

I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEXAS"

I'm glad to see that she is able to correctly identify what about this whole situation is inappropriate.

Fast Car

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

-Tracy Chapman

from Nepal to Victoria

Last night Devin and I went out for Nepalese food - and it was fabulous. Usually I make a reservation before we go out for dinner, but the last couple times I have done that the restaurant has been fairly empty, so I decided not to this time (just because). When we arrived it was less than half full - but then the hostess informed us that every table was reserved except for two! We ended up sitting next to another non-reservation couple who arrived about five minutes after us. They seemed to be on a second date - and all I remember from the conversation was the guy asking the girl what her mother did, the girl saying "nothing" and when asked to elborate the girl replied "nothing, she sits around smoking pot all day". Which, while perhaps sad, was amusing in the context of a second date conversation.

Now, I have to admit that I don't really know what "Nepalese food" consists of - but based on what we ordered, there are curries and lamb and chicken and dumplings involved. The restaurant was also fabulous - I am very big on "ambiance and atmosphere" and so both of those score major restaurant points with me. The service could have been better - but it wasn't horrible. And I would definetly go back! Except now I start thinking about the future and wonder "well, will I ever have a chance to go back?" but then I stop thinking those thoughts and remember that if I don't finish my thesis I might very well live here for the rest of my life as a destitute MA student. Okay. So maybe that's a little unlikely, but still!

It's a gorgeous day outside and it's currently around 11am - so I think that the next order of the day will be going outside and enjoying the weather!

blueberry pancakes

This morning I went out for breakfast with my friend. I love going out for breakfast - but it's a special treat on a Tuesday, because I never go out for breakfast on a Tuesday. I had blueberry pancakes - but no coffee. A fact which I realized around 2pm when I almost fell asleep during lecture. My friend is going to Egypt for 5 months to learn Egypt. So then I started thinking "oh, why is my life so boring, I have never gone to live in Africa" but then I remember that, in fact, at this point in time I have no desire to live in Africa - and so I can just be super-happy for my friend, getting to embark on this fabulous adventure. And because she is leaving, I had an excuse to have blueberry pancakes on a Tuesday morning :)

Wagon Wheel Song

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel
Rock me mama anyway you feel
Hey mama rock me
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain
Rock me mama like a south-bound train
Hey mama rock me
-Old Crow Medicine Show/Dylan

Grade 9

I've got a blue and red adidas bag and a humongous binder,
I'm trying my best not to look like a minor niner.
I went out for the football team to prove that I'm a man
I guess I shouldn't tell them that I like Duran Duran.
-Barenaked Ladies

Quote of the Day

Q: What is your biggest regret?
Sidney Poitier: I cannt recall what that might have been, but whatever it was, I survived it. And I have no regrets about that. Vanity Fair magazine, Feb 2007

so the other day I was thinking....

Everyone I know is getting older. I realize that every second of every day we all grow older, but in a more abstract sense of the word, I feel as though everyone I know is getting older. and so imagine my suprise when the other day it occured to me that within the next ten years I will probably have a child. That's right. Ten years is not a long time and a child is a really really big deal. So after my panic attack began to subside I thought about all the things I have done in the past ten years. I am not going to create a completely self-serving list of things - but I feel that since half-way through the 8th grade I've achomplished a fair number of things.

In grade 8 I wore black jeans pretty much everyday, still had my mom drive to me the mall (in fairness, we used to go to the across town mall to see movies with our across-town friends), did not think I was especialy beautiful, had never dated a boy, didn't know my parents as people, didn't really appreciate art and knew what I wanted out of life.

Since that time things have changed, I now wear blue jeans, take the bus all by myself, think I am beautiful, have dated a boy (a man even!), know and love my parents as the beautiful and imperfect people they are, love art and am no longer sure what I want out of life.

However, I still rarely wear skirts, I don't like to drive, I cannot do my own hair, I have never been married, I still don't know my sister as a person, I don't like ballet and I know very little about opera, and I cannot see my future.

My point is that ten years is a long time. In ten years I expect to be the person I am now, just with different priorities, a little more money, and more people to love. And at the end of my thought about having a child within ten years, I realized that when that happens I will be both ready (or as ready as one can be) and lucky, even if right now I couldn't begin to tell you where in the world I will be in ten years, or what I will be doing, or what I will think or believe. But see the thing is, in the last 10 years I have begun to trust myself. And that is why I know it will be all good.

Freaks and Geeks

This weekend when I went to the video store to rent the next installment of Arrested Development and it was not there - so instead I rented the first disc of Freaks and Geeks. I have never seen this show before, but I remember that it was critically acclaimed and it seemed like something I might like, so I brought it home and watched.

I immediately fell in love with the main character, Lindsay, who was super pretty, a really good actor and instantly invoked so much emphathy in me, the viewer. So after I finished watching the first episode, I went to look the actress up on imdb.com. Her name was Linda Cardellini - and I know her better as nurse Samantha (Sam) Taggert on ER. I occasionaly watch ER and I have to say that I find Sam super annoying, a bad actor, and not at all attractive. Anyways - I just thought that seemed quite strange how I would react so differently to the same actress in two different roles.

Okay - so not the world's most exciting weekend - but whatever :)

wanting to post.

but nothing to say.

so why post? No idea.

The last few weeks I have been renting Arrested Development on DVD. Funny stuff.

Even though school is quite intense I have been feeling pretty good lately. I don't know if it's the weather (gorgeous!) or what - but everything just seems right with the world. I'm guessing it won't last :) Today I read the Globe and Mail Saturday edition in paper format (which I love). All this talk of going to bed at 10pm has inspired me to (once again) try to consistently go to sleep earlier - because 7 hours of sleep is not enough for me. I need to alternate between 7 1/2 and 9 hours to maintain my optimum waking:sleeping ratio. I going to stop now - maybe tomorrow I will have something to say.

My name is Liz and...

I'm an Advic-o-holic.

Yes - that's right. Everyday I read advice columns. Some days I read only one. Other days I read up to four. It all depends on the day of the week. Wednesday and Thrusday are the most popular days for new advice columns. Dear Abby is the only one I read published 7 days a week. I don't know why I do this. It's not like I need advice. In fact, I think I do a pretty okay job and solving my problems and helping others with theres. And yet I have this obsession, compulsion, addiction (call it what you will) with advice columns. However, admitting your problem is the first step. And not only have I admited it, but I have helpfully added a new links section on the right-hand side directing you to some of my favourites (there are one or two I read not yet listed). So enjoy - but remeber to do so in moderation.

According to itunes...

I thought is might be interesting to share my taste in music according to how itunes assigns genres to my current 20 favourite songs...

Alternative: 3
Rock: 6
Pop: 5
Folk: 4
Soundtrack: 1
Electronica: 1

Okay - so maybe that wasn't interesting :)

Quote of the Day: "Dreams aren't broken, they begin, they end, and they begin again".

Quote of the Day brought to you by "Canada's Next Top Model"

I wanna be Izzy! (but for now I guess I will have to forgo the gorgeous looks, medical degree, $8.7mil and settle for the baking)

Yesterday I baked!

I tried two recipes from my "so you're in collge and you are an idiot and slowly straving to death and please for the love of god show me how to make something edible" cookbook*. I made nutty, toffee, chocolate square things and lemon bars. The former were fine but I do not think I would make them again. And the latter were quite good and I do think I would make them again. Also - my friend Amanda recommend epicurious.com for recipes and it's a pretty sweet website - so the next time I cook I think I will look there for inspiration.

*not really the title of the cookbook

Come Christmas 2007...

I can't decide if I think this is a good thing, a bad thing, or a simply ridiculous thing.

"For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)"

frivolity and ice cream

You Are Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

You are kind, popular, and generous. You tend to be successful at anything you try. A social butterfly, you are great at entertaining a crowd. You are most compatible with strawberry ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

more of the same

I think I worry too much. I never used to. I don't like this person. This worrying person. I want to be a person of action and adventure! I want to make decisions! But then I look at the lives of people around me and I'm just like "don't want your life, don't want your life, don't want your life..." which is probably good in that I am happier with my life than anyone elses - but still I feel as though I am not doing as good a job as I would like at living my life - even though I'm not exactly sure what I should be doing differently. And my new years resolution was to stop worrying about the future. well now I am worrying about the present and the future - so that's hardly an improvement. And then yesterday I (again) started to think about how 10 years from now - these years will be the time when things were "simple" and "easy".

In other news, I have started drinking Americanos in the morning (much to alex's chagrin), I have replaced my t.v. with flowers and candles (much less distracting) and I've had brunch three times in the last 8 days. So I guess it's not all bad :)

f.y.i.

"As Drew Westen of Emory University has shown, the rational regions of the brain are not engaged when people reject contrary information. Rather, using an MRI scanner, Dr. Westen has demonstrated that the pleasure centres of the brain become hyperactive and people reward themselves by rejecting the information, much as do drug addicts when taking a fix."

Now I understand why people don't agree with me when I am so obviously right.

chasing cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's burstin’ into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
It’s here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

yesterday

Yesterday I had a fabulous day.

1) went shopping with mom. Mom bought me clothes.
2) met my friend Tara. decided to go for lunch. as it was already 1:30 decided to get frozen yogurt to stave off pre-lunch hunger pains.
3) had lunch around 3 at a lovely little Thai restaurant. Only $8.
4) went to honest eds. I have never been there before. it's a toronto institution.
5) went out for coffee. split a piece of cheesecake and had some tea.
6) went shopping (well, browsing...)
7) had dinner (it's around 9pm now) at "fresh" a veggie restaurant. Only $9.
8) went out to a pub for some live music and pints
9) arrived home where Tara stayed the night
10) woke up and had orange juice, coffee, and banana bread with my parents and Tara
11) Tara left around 11am.

Seriously - A day filled with shopping, food, friends, and fun. All days should be so fabulous.

Happy New Years!

wireless, and a list for good measure

Right now I am in the basement of my house - and as luck would have it - the basement is providing me with something that my upstairs cannot - wireless internet! Apparently from here I can access a wireless network that I could not access from upstairs. Even though it is the holidays and so I am not on the internet nearly as much - I can now be online if I want at home!
(note: for those of you who are unaware of my predicament, my home in T.O. has dial-up. we might as well grow our own wheat and mill our own bread!)

I feel very emotional right now - I think probably because I am tired - luckily, tomorrow I will be busy, fun-busy, and I will be happy and carefree. So to put me in a good mood before bed I have compiled a happy list.

Things that make me happy
1) laughter
2) water-cheers and mixed berry crepes
3) my parents and my friends
4) chai-eggnog
5) free wirelss
6) devin

song for a winter's night

The lamp is burning low upon my table top the snow is softly falling
The air is still within the silence of my room I hear your voice softly calling
If I could only have you near to breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love on this winter night with you

The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead my glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon the page the words of love you sent me
If I could know within my heart that you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love upon this winter night with you

The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim the shades of night are lifting
The morning light steals across my windowpane where webs of snow are drifting
If I could only have you near to breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love and to be once again with with you
To be once again with with you

thoughts

1) buying christmas presents is super fun, but it's also a little bit stressful b/c you always want people to like what you bought them. Next year I am going to buy everyone designer coasters.

2) there are people, in life, who you can be mad at, or frustrated with, and it doesn't matter, because you both know that it doesn't change how you feel about each other. the obvious example of this is the parent-child relationship. and if you have this relationship with a friend, then it must be a really special friendship, because it's a really freeing feeling to be frustrated with someone and to know that it doesn't really matter because you love them and in a day or two you will have only the love, minus the frustration, and that the ability to argue and express all your feelings actually makes the friendship stronger.

3) Not that I was ever very good at pool, but I am officially quite bad again.

4) The loss of independence which accompanies being at home is killing me.

5) I do not understand people who never move out of their parents home. I understand moving out for school, then moving back to save money. I get saving money by going to school and living at home, and then moving out after graduation. I don't get being 25 and having NEVER lived anywhere else.

6) My new life plan: I am going to be a life coach! Seriously. And my sub-speciality will be self-esteem, but I will also be able to assist with career planning, household organization, and talk therapy. If anyone is interested, I am offering my services at a discounted rate while I work on establishing my practice.

Reason #148 why I have issues

Last night I went to the store because I was out of milk.
This morning, I woke up to discover the milk sitting happily on the kitchen counter.
Who forgets to put milk away??

things that make me happy

1) eggnog chai lattes
2) my nailpolish
3) degrassi: the next generation
4) having dinner with friends
5) getting emails that reference rob diamond
6) the lights on oak bay ave.

if you are the type of person who avoids discussions about religion and politics at parties, you might want to avoid this post

Lately I've had this desire to write a really serious post - which is usually what I try to avoid in blogging - plus when you write something serious you risk exposing more of yourself than you meant to, or provoking negative emotions in people by mistake. In any case, I was debating between writing on abortion, the conservative government, or my fears about the future - and I've decided to go with the first (and most potentially explosive) one.

The piece I came across on Elizabeth May on the internet quoted her as saying, among other things, (paraphrasing) "You would have to be out of your mind to want an abortion" - and this prompted a number of responses from people who were concerned with this opinion, and what appeared to be the contradiction between May's political pro-choice stance and a personal pro-life stance. Okay, but here's the thing - Elizabeth May is right. Who in their right mind would want an abortion? No one wakes up one day and says "my goal in the next six months is to have an abortion" or "by the time I am 30 I hope to have had three abortions". Anyone who characterizes pro-choice people as thinking abortion is an intrinsic good are crazy and such a characterization is completely unfair.

However, there are many circumstances, which if found in, a person would not be crazy to want to have an abortion. Someone who felt they were not ready, too young, emotionally unstable, whatever, and chose to have an abortion, would not be out of their mind. They would be making a rational and reasonable decision. There are probably some people who do not take the protection that they should when having sex, and who do not take the decision to have an abortion as seriously as I might like; however, I do believe that most women who have an abortion do not take the decision lightly, and I also believe that most women do not regret the decision. I believe that abortion is something which should be accessible to all women in their first trimester (an arbitrary length of time, I realize). And I also believe that society should take every step possible to ensure that abortion is extremely rare. This can include advocating safe sex practices, using multiple forms of protection, abstinance, providing funding for day care and educational programs and any and all methods of family planning. Someone once said "abortion should be legal, but rare" and I completely agree.

Now there will be people reading this who say "oh no, I can never imagine having an abortion, or how anyone would be able to. A baby is a gift (from God or nature) and is always a cause for joy" and if that is what you believe, then I agree - such a person could not ever imagine ever having an abortion and would probably (regardless of circumstances) never have an abortion. However, I would not want to live in a world where one person's belief about abortion would affect the ability of another person to have one. And so while I am unsure of May's motives in making her statements, I think abortion is a subject that people tend to see in black and white and that's a mistake. Like anything, there needs to be a space for dialogue and respect, and that it what I have tried to present here.

I don't think posting gets much more serious then this. Next time: a return to my regular posting topics of coffee and television.

Stephane Dion

Pros:
he has good policies
he is bilingual
he cares about the environment

Cons:
he will not inspire new left voters
he will not inspire new right voters
(so bascially - he will not inspire)
he is boring (also maybe a pro?)

I feel like with this election nothing has changed, and I am not excited at all about the liberal party or canadian politics in general. And I think now, Elizabeth May is probably my favourite national leader.

my personal order of Liberal leadship candidates
1) MHF, 2) BR, 3) GK, 4) SB and SD, 5) KD, 6) MI, 7) JV (who I detest)

different graphic, same message

so that's how it is, eh?

The Phone Rings:

Me: Hello.
Person: Hi, may I please speak to your mom or dad?
Me: Actually, I am an adult who lives on her own.

Seriously - It's bad enough that I look 17, but apparently I also sound as though I am 12. Geez!!

people are dumb.

I am at serious coffee and this man has spent the last five minutes plus explaining the plot of a movie to his coffee companion. The only words she has managed are "I don't need to see the movie now". Just a helpful hint: a description of a FICTIONAL set of events does not a conversation make.

Things I have been thinking about:

1) Leapfrog educational games for children. You know what is educatoinal? Reading to your children. Talking to your children. Playing with your children. Making-up stories with your children. Listening with your children. Do these things and you will drastically increase your chances of having happy, well-rounded, intellgent children. That is how your children will became well-adjusted, smart kids. Not sitting in the backseat of the car or in the livingroom while you wax nogalstic about how well they are being taught (parented?) by an army of mircochips!

2) Why is the weather mad at Victoria? Why did it snow. And then snow. and then rain. and then be very cold. why are my shoes wet and my toes cold and my super warm sweaters in toronto?

3) Eggnog chai lattes. I totally forgot you could get those. And I really want one.

4) Britney Spears. Why. Why. Why. On second thought, I don't think the answer would actually be very interesting.

The great storm of '07 '06

So yesterday when I posted I might have given the impression that I was pleased with the snow. Which, at the time (12:10pm), was true. Shortly thereafter I took a trip to Starbucks, and when I returned around 3pm, I returned to an aptartment with no power. Walking towards my house, I ran into my landlord, who informed me that only did I not have power (so no lights or heat), but that I shouldn't expect the power to return, and I should try to find myself other accomodation for the night. As I was entering my apt. my other landlord stopped me and suggested that I call my boyfriend, because I probably was not going to want to spend the night in my apartment.

By 5:00pm there was no power, it was starting to get cold, and the only light was courtesy of a half dozen tea candles, so I gave Devin a call and informed him of my plight, at which point he was kind enough to invite me over for the night. So I gathered up some clothes, schoolwork, three extra pairs of socks, and my salmon from the fridge, and began my trek.

I trudged through street after street of unplowed snow, but before I got more than several blocks I came across "do not cross" tape, and spent a moment trying to discern why it was there, and if I could ignore it, since I didn't really want to backtrack. Then I notice a few more words "do not cross, live wire" and peering into the darkness, I notice that yes indeed, there is a downed wire across the street. At which point I decide that it would be in my best interest to go the long way.

So I continue on my way, clumps of snow falling off trees as I walk, being careful to avoid ice patches and puddles, though I do fall victim to one patch of ice and two pretty good "soakers". I walk from my power-less neighbourhood, though a neighbourhood with power, then throughh another one without power, until I finally arrive at in Devin's neck of the woods. On the way, I see numerous power lines, sagging so much under the weight of the ice and the snow that I am surprised that the SUVs who are driving underneath and not making contact with them. I finally arrive at Devin's, take off my boots and socks, both of which are soaked, change into another pair of pants, and wring my first pair out into the bathtub. That's right - they were so wet they needed to be wrung out - and then put into the dryer.

Everything was going along well until around 7pm Devin's lights too went out - more tea candles were lit, until around 8:00pm when the lights came back on. So we watched the Simpsons and Studio Sixty, adn then turned in for the night. Around 7:00am Devin's alarm went off, and the t.v. and the internet were turned on to assess the situtation. All the schools in Victoria and many in the lower mainland were closed, including all the Vancouver universities, and following a quick check, the University of Victoria was also closed. Later that morning, I called my landlords, who told me my power was back, and that I could return home. On my walk home, I must admit, that the city looks beautiful all covered in snow, almost beautiful enough to make it all worth it.

And so today is a snow day in Victoria. Many, but not all, buisnesses are open, and people are advised not to drive unless it is necessary. Now as a non-native BCer, I will admit, there is a lot of snow. There is not so much snow that Toronto or Calgary would have shut down, but then again, Victoria probably does not possess the dozens of snowplows of other large Canadian citizens.

So now I am at home, nice and cozy, and I plan on staying here for the rest of the day.

SNOW!

I think that says it all.

Is it just me?

I try and I try and I try, but despite my best intentions, I cannot, for the life of me, properly fold a fitted sheet.

foibles of the english langugage

Right now I am at serious coffee.

I order, put my stuff down at a table at the front, and the go to the end of the bar to wait for my drink. After 3 or 4 minutes the girl looks at me and is like "sorry, I put your coffee up here (at the front till)" so I reply with, "oh, it's okay, it's my fault for not looking better".

Which, as far as I am concerned, a perfectly acceptable sentence, except that it really sounds like I am saying "it's my fault for not being better dressed" or something.

Anyways... that's all. Maybe I will post something actually interesting later.

Julie Andrews makes everything better

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

[Repeat all verses]

terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

After forcing myself to leave my house at 9:30 this morning so that I would go to school and get some work done, I spent 1 1/2 hours at school in the computer lab, doing nothing, and trying to figure out exactly why it was that I wanted to cry. So I decided that if I was going to do nothing and want to cry I might as well do it at home. And now I have Tostitos and I am watching Degrassi the Next Generation - so hopefully I will regroup and return to form this afternoon.

Part II: Things I hate feeling (in no particular order*):

sad
isolated
frustrated
not okay
not in control* (but if they were in a particular order, then this would be number 1)

gotta love those Bush appointments

"A Woman's Concern is persuaded that the crass commercialization and distribution of birth control is demeaning to women, degrading of human sexuality, and adverse to human health and happiness."
-- policy statement of the pregnancy-counseling organization whose medical director was Dr. Erik Keroack, recently appointed to head the nation's family planning program (found at slate online magazine)

I have been unsuccessful at satisfactorily expressing my feelings at this quote, so I will leave it to everyone's imagination.

Hey Kids!

This message is for everyone who has Globe and Mail access - on page A5 (at least in the Toronto and Victoria editions - so probably all editions) there is a picture of a cathedral made out of tuna cans, with a sardine can floor, a baby food bell tower, and granola bar grass, as part of an annual competition in support of the Daily Bread Food Bank in Toronto.

The Cathedral, made out of approx. $8,000 worth of food, was the winner of the structural award this year. It was designed and built by my mom's engineering firm! How cool is that!! So everyone, check it out if you get a chance.



Check out some 2005 winners: http://www.canstruction.org/2005winners.html
my favourite is "more than just peanuts".

To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Chequing Account,

I know that over the years we have had our ups and downs, and I know that this must be a scary time for you, what with it being only half-way through the month and already most of you is gone. However, I just want you to know that I really needed to buy that OPI nail polish yesterday. Needed. I don't expect you to understand. So you'll just have to trust me. And besides, November is only 30days long, so I'm sure we'll be fine.

Your (sometimes) friend,
Liz

Life in Victoria or strikethrough

At the risk of sounding like a spoiled brat* (something which Devin will readily confirm) today I went to the tailor's, and apparently it will take until next Thursday (8 days!) before my stuff is ready. I think this is an insanely long time. I guess that's what happens when you move from the centre of the (Canadian) universe out to the colonies.

*if I could figure out how to use strikethrough I would use it here. Anyone know how to use strikethrough?

Okay - here are the instructions (thank you blog world). This is what you do: put <, the word strike, and > before the word, and <, /, the word strike, and > after the word.

Lists, Lists, Lists

A couple months ago, I was reading Cosmo (I know, I know) and they ran an article about a young woman who had died in September 11th and before she died, she had been working on a list on her computer titled "100 Things I Want to do Before I Die". Anyways, I thought this was a fabulous idea - and then the recent spat of lists on other blogs - has prompted to me to write the first (of perhaps several?) lists of things I have not done that I would like/hope someday to do.

1) Have a facial
2) See a James Bond movie
3) Go horseback riding (I did this once as a young child, but not since)
4) Complete a large scale creative work
5) Have my own dog (or I suppose share a dog with my partner)

My Comments on the "big list"

02. Swam with wild dolphins: would totally love to. I almost swam with captured dolphins, but something about swimming with captured dolphins seemed not-cool to me.
14. Seen the Northern Lights: okay, seriously people. I have never seen these. I feel suddenly inadequate since everyone else seems to have.
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa: I am pretty sure you can no longer do this. We tried to walk to the top of a leaning tower in Bologna, but it was closed, and by closed, I mean I don't think you could ever actually walk to the top. stupid guidebook.
42. Had amazing friends: yes, yes, and yes again.
51. Visited Ireland: Lived baby, lived.
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love: okay, I was not in love, nor was I heartbroken, but I definetly talked about it for longer than justified.
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them: no, but a stranger (an American woman, about 25) sat at my table with me and my mom and sister at a vegetarian restaurant in Paris for about 20 mintues, before deciding to leave because it was too expensive.
54. Visited Japan: maybe someday.
72. Gotten married: hopefully someday.
78. Won first prize in a costume contest: I won a prize for "best couple". That was pretty cool. Although the prize left much to be desired.
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation: no but it's a life goal. Seriously.
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour: I don't know about followed, but saw The Crofters in Kingston weekend, after weekend, after weekend.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication: but someday I will have to, stupid life plan, requiring that I filful this stupid requirement. I'm not such a fan of my life plan at the moment, in case you hadn't noticed.
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon: I would sort of like to do this, but what I really want to do is go to Tucson and visit S&S.

And for the record, I am blown away at the "have shaved my head people". I mean wow. That is super cool and also a little perplexing to me. And may I suggest, this Christmas, leave the kids at grammas, because y'all need to go out and order yourselves a martini.

Circle Craft Annual Christmas Craft Fair

I spent the past couple of days in Vancouver attending the Circle Craft Annual Christmas Craft Fair, the largest one of a kind craft fair in western Canada. I went with my friend Sarah and her mom, and it was super fun. The Thursday night we went out to a Malysian restaurant for dinner (it was good, not great. And now that I am eating red meat again, I had lamb, which was really good!). Friday it was crazy-raining so we drove down to Canada Place and we spent about 5 hours at the craft fair (we would have spent longer, but I had to catch a ferry back on the Sunday night). I ended up with Christmas presents for my mom, dad, sister and Alex, plus a couple of extras. All of the gifts are really random - well my sister's is sorta normal. But the other gifts are super random. I also got a shirt for myself, though alas, not the $100 hoodie of my dreams. So now, the only major gift I still need to get is for Devin, and so I just have to figure out where I can go to get a motorcycle helmet engraved.

Vancouver:
*Banana Leaf
*Blended Lychee Mojhitos (sp?)
*6 hours of travelling
*milk in a glass bottle
*crazy curvy houses (which I will buy when I an extra $350)
*glass insects made by the husband of the $100 hoodie woman
*amazing feeling of being surrounded by people who do what they love for a living, and hoping that someday I can be like them in my own way.

serious coffee dilemma

Tonight I was at my local serious coffee doing a bit of reading. I am sitting in one of four comfy leather chairs (there are two sets of two, plus lots of regular tables and chairs) and there is one girl in one of the other sets, and that's it. Just the two of us. Then a middle aged woman comes in, gets her drink, and asks to sit in the comfy chair next to me. I say okay. I personally would ask someone that if there was no where else to sit, but otherwise I would have sat at a normal table. But whatever. I spend the next twenty minutes listening to her drink, pick candies out of little plastic bag, chew the candies, and cough. In this time I get about three pages read due my extreme irritation, especially with the russling of the plastic bag and the audiable chewing. So I get up, and move to another table.

So I ask you - was what I did okay? I felt really bad, because I didn't want her to be offended, but I could not concentrate. What should I have said? Anything? Is there anything one can say? I tried to stick it out, but it didn't get less annoying, and once she switched from the newspaper to her book, I realized she was in for the long haul. So yeah, any thoughts?

Today I have:

1) Read 2 chapters of my book (this may not sound like a lot, but it is).
2) Done all my dishes
3) Done 5 loads of laundry (everything is clean!)
4) Went to starbucks for an eggnog latte
5) Tentively picked out this years Christmas cards
6) Sent 2 important emails I have been putting off
7) Talked to my mom on the phone. The second phone call was about gay celebrities, a topic on which she was suprisingly well versed
8) posted on my blog twice!

The Abyss and Freedom

Today is Sunday. The day of rest. Or the day of reading "Feminism and the Abyss of Freedom". Unfortunetly, I am spending the day doing the latter. And let me tell you, the Abyss of Freedom is about as pleasant to read as it sounds. Actually, the Abyss of Freedom is good thing, but it is not a particularly fun thing to read about.

However, I was supposed to read it last week, and I didn't start it until yesterday, so I don't have the option of giving up for the day. This week was a good week. I finished my final grant proposal (well, the second of two) and now I have a million-less-one things to worry about. Just now, to take a mini-break from the Abyss of Freedom I went to Starbucks and bought my first eggnog latte of the Christmas season!! Apparently a grande skim-milk/eggnog latte has 10 grams of fat and costs $4.72. This has prompted me to re-evaluate my plan of an eggnog latte a day for the next two months. Mainly because $150 is about half of my monthly food budget. Though it's still not enough for the shoes I want to buy :) Plus, I have to save for Devin's Christmas and birthday presents, so I can't go spending all my money on coffee.

me this very moment

I think I am sick. In fact, by this point, I am pretty postive I am sick. I haven't had a cold in a couple of years, and hopefully it won't ever get really bad and it will pass quickly. I bought orange juice in the hopes that that would help. But unfortunetly it does not appear that chocolate has medicinal properties where viruses are concerned.

And then - last week the girl at Starbucks told me that the Christmas drinks were coming out on Wednesday, but apparently they are coming out NEXT wednesday. Grrr.... !! All I want is an eggnog latte. Well - that's not all - but it would be a nice start :)

me and other people

Last nite I went out for halloween and I had a really fun time. I went dressed as a person from an ipod commercial (black pants, long sleeved, high necked black shirt and my ipod). I posed and did funny ipod dances, and everyone thought it was clever.

Something I noticed about myself last night, is that when I am at a party (or whatever), I perfer talking to people I don't know rather than people I do. I am more relaxed talking to people I will never see again, and I am far more witty and charming with people I never have to see again. I think because I feel less pressure to perform and I am less worried about other peole judging me. So maybe I should relax and start talking to people I will encounter more than once in my life.

Thinking Thoughts.

1) I really like waking up on my own, and not to the sound of an alarm clock.
2) Felicity (on tv) had the same bedding as me this morning. That made me feel special. For a minute. Then I felt sad that it made me feel special. Because so do thousands of other people who bought that bedding from Ikea.
3) High Heels: can you walk quickly in them? I definetly walk a little slower than normal when I wear heels (though I do tend to be a fast walker) - but I don't wear them everyday. Are people who wear them everyday able to walk at a normal speed?
4) I think little girls are cuter than little boys. On average, kids are equally cute until about 5, but then I think girls keep being cute, but boys... Although maybe having been a girl myself, I'm biased.

shopping

Today I bought:
1 Candle: $5
2 Daisy Magnets: ($1.30)
2 glasses: ($3.30)

Total: $11

Today what I wanted to buy:
1 Pair Timberland Boots: $200
1 Pair Brown Shoes: $190
1 Black Jacket: $150
1 Silver Necklace: $110
1 Jacob Black Skirt: $65

Total: $715

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, you need money.

this is crazy. I need to stop. but seriously, how does it always know?

You Are 23 Years Old

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

What Age Do You Act?

I like this one!

Your Kissing Purity Score: 37% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

Celtic Horoscope

You Are An Apple Tree

You are quiet and shy at times, but you have lots of charm and appeal. You are quite attractive: your pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, and adventurous spirit draw people in. Sensitive and loyal in love, you want to love and be loved. You are a faithful and tender partner - who is generous in sharing your many talents. You love children, and you need an affectionate partner.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

on making new friends

When I lived in Kingston, I used to get out to see some live music every couple weeks at least, granted it wasn't ususally paraticularly cutting edge, we're talking Irish music and cover bands, but since moving to Victoria I think I've seen live music maybe three times? Luckily for me, things seem to be looking up, this Satuday I went with some people from my program (my new friends?) to see an all girl folk band called the Gruff at their c.d. release party and kick-off to their Canadian tour. They were pretty good, they had a couple songs that had more of a rock feel to them that I esp. liked. And I met a couple really interesting people (and of course any time I meet anyone interesting I immeidately feel super uninteresting and inarticulate, but I digress).

And tonight I called someone I know the opening of the conversation went as follows:
"Hi Anna, it's Liz calling, your friend from the bus"
"...oh hi! I'm so glad you called!"

And she geniunely was. So not only do I have a new friend, I have also been invited to 2 Halloween parties this Saturday. Two!! (This is a really big deal considering the number of people I knew in Victoria this time last year). Sadly, I'm not really a Halloween person, and I am not at all looking forward to dressing up, but I have a pretty simple, yet original costume in mind, and maybe I will be able to convince my boyfriend (who is amazing) to come with me.

Also, of late I have been extremely tired. And I am very much a sleep-person, so when I am tired, I mean I could be sleeping 12 hours a day. So today I did two things I should have two weeks ago - I took my iron and went to the gym. I am hoping a continued combination of those two things will ensure that my standard 9 hours a day will suffice.

on growing up

It is Saturday morning. I am reading the Globe and Mail online and watching Felicity and it just occured to me how much older I feel than I did when I started first year. It also just occured to me that that was five years ago. And I would like to think that 18 year old me would be reassured to see the 23 year old me. All the fear and insecurity that comes with being 18, alone for the first time, trying to navigate the complex world of friendships, relationships, partying, school etc. And not that I have since mastered all those things, but I no longer worry nearly so much. Though I think at some point I will miss the drama and excitment which comes from being young and always having the promise of the next adventure around the corner. I think that the key is to keep up the ideal of adventure as an adult (this becomes infinitely more complicated when you have children, I'm sure). In conclusion, even if I haven't done it perfectly, I think that maybe I like this growing up business.

early morning: reflections on waking up before 7am

1) I am blogging a lot lately.
2) The best thing about finishing my shower before 7am is that I get to watch the last 10 minutes of Dawson's while I have my breakfast. Oh Katie Holmes, you used to be normal.
3) Lloyd Eisner has been suspended from coaching for sending inappropriate emails to a student. Seriously, if you want to harass someone don't do it online, there will always be evidence!! Or try not to be completely inappropriate and abuse your position of power. Either way.
4) Reason #57 why I don't like the government of Stephen Harper: Kicking Garth Turner out of caucus? He is such a nice, funny little man, who I used to watch (okay see) on t.v. It's called technology, and Turner is using it how it was meant to be used, you should SUPPORT this, not condemn him. On the plus side, there are rumours that Turner will sit as a member of the Green Party - how cool would that be??!?!

Fields of Gold

This weeks Studio Sixty featured a live performance by Sting. I have no idea if it was the song, or the storyline, or the dialogue, or my horomones, but I was really affected by it. It stirred all these emotions within me, and yet made me feel so calm and safe. Which is why I have decided to post the lyrics.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in fields of gold
So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley?
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in fields of gold
See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

good thing/bad thing

bad thing: having a bad day
good thing: knowing that that means tomorrow will be better

bad thing: having a bad day
bad thing: knowing that the next day wil be exactly the same, and the same again after that, and not being able to figure out how to change things
good thing: faith that sometimes things just change themselves/that you change even if you're not exactly sure when or how

Things I like:

Gel Gems
Coronation Street
Tea
Martha Hall-Findlay
learning about other people's relationships
feeling smart
my lipgloss
cooking with my boyfriend
candles
being a woman
knowing final jepordy
The Globe and Mail
Feeling Special
Getting Mail
and so many more.

Another list b/c I am in the mood to post with nothing to say

A.B.O.U.T. Y.O.U.

could you live without the computer?: no, but I would like to think I could.
whats ur favorite fruit?: I'm going to go with blueberrys on this one.
what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?: emotional, though I don't think I've ever been in a great amount of physical pain.
trust others way too easily?: I trust people quickly, which is different than easily, and it's something I have always considered a good thing.

-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-

i want: to be happy. to make other people happy. to know what I want.
i wish: that the international community cared enough to do something about all the poor, uneducated, HIV positive people in the world.
i hate: people who are closedminded
i miss: not having a care in the world
i fear: watch Law&Order SVU, that's my fear.
i hear: STUDIO SIXTY ON THE SUNSET STRIP (which will has not been cancelled, despite lowish numbers, because the viewers are the ideal advertisers demographic)
i search: on google
i love: myself, my family, my friends, peopole who love me.
i ache: when I think about the elderly woman from the bus
i cry: when I am upset, and when i am being irrational, and when I chop onions
i do not always: to my schoolwork
i write: on my blog and not my thesis
i confuse: openess and closeness
daydreamer: absolutely
alcoholic: nope
freak: no more so than anyone else
brat: I plead the fifth
sarcastic: yah, but nothing compared to Devin.
goody-goody: yes.
friend: I try
shy: often
talkative: definetly
adventurous: not as much as I like, but more than I used to be
intelligent: on my good days

a delicious dessert: homemade pumpkin pie, ben&jerry's ice cream
a book you highly recommend: young men, stone butch blues
your favorite band: GBS
a film you could watch over and over: GoodWillHunting
a TV show you watch regularly: Grey's, Studio Sixty
you live in a(n): my apartment
your transportation: bc transit
under your bed or in your closet you hide: presents

Iraq

The medical journal The Lancet has published an article estimating the number of civilian deaths in Iraq since the war began is 650,000, or 2.5 per cent of the Iraqi population.

women and culture.

from Margaret Wente's column in today's Globe.

“I find the veil [my note: the column refres to the veil that covers the face, not simply a headscraf] offensive,” wrote Yasmin Alibahai-Brown, who said it is invariably connected to the most repressive forms of Islam. A woman in a niqab, she says, is just as much the victim of sexual objectification as a half-naked woman in a tube top. “The niqab expunges the female Muslim presence from the landscape and hands the world over to men.”

Okay - I agree. But how can I think society should allow one form of sexual objectification (a mini skirt and a tube top) and not think society should allow the niqab.

I don't think society should NOT allow the niqab, but I think that it should actively promote a competing beliefs system and encourage people to adopt a view of their culture/religion that does not include wearing a niqab. I also think that society should encourage all women to love and resepct their bodies, but does that mean actively promoting t-shirts and bermuda shorts?

Things going on in my head and the heads of those around me

1) Today I mailed a birthday gift to Ontario. It cost $11 to mail. Canada Post is not my friend.

2) I am a little bit stressed, and very busy, but I am happy. I am happy because the people in my life make me happy and I am because I make me happy.

3) One of the things I like about people is that no two are exactly alike. Even people you don't like, they are redeemed by the fact that they are an excellent version of themselves.

4) People who think blogging is a self-centred pastime are, or course, correct. People who think that blogging is a self-centred pastime and therefore is a bad thing are wrong. Everything we do is self-centred. Seriously. Other self-centred things include reading (who else does reading benefit, just you), watching t.v., going on holiday, etc. to the most fundamental things we all do.

Why do people have children? For the children? no, you don't know them, you do it for you*. Why do you believe in God, for Him, no, you believe in Him for you. Okay - I will grant there are a few people (Mother Teresa?) who help people to help them, and not for personal reward, but the average person? Some people might think this is overly cynical, but it's not; I don't think these are bad things, I think it is what it means to be human. To be selfish and flawed but to do the best job that you can at being that selfish and flawed person that you are.

*note: this is not to suggest that I think having children is always a choice, for many women, in many parts of the world, having children is not a choice. I am just saying that if you are choosing, you are choosing for you.

thanksgiving

Though today is offically thanksgiving, I had my thanksgiving celebrations yesterday, and they were lovely. Devin and I cooked a fabulous thanksgiving dinner, with lots of food, and I made a pie, which almost turned out. My plans for making pumpkin pie were thwarted by the fact that all the grocery stores near me were sold out of pumpkin by Saturday (go figure?) so I will pumpkin pie at some point in the future; in any case, I made a strawberry pie, including the crust, which was quite the achomplishment for me, seeing as it was my first pie.

There is this scene in sex and the city were miranda's new house keeper brings her a rolling pin and says in her Eastern European accent "so you can make pies. A woman should make pies." So this is me, taking up my womanly pie-making duties.

There was loads of left-over food, so tonight will be thanksgiving left-over dinner, which I am almost as excited about. Tomorrow I have to go have passport sized pictures of myself taken, and then go to school and start working like crazy for the next three days because I am behind schedule and most of this long-weekend was an academic write off. (This is not really a surprise, but still, I was hoping this weekend would signal a shift in a 20 year habit.)

Last thing - my fabulous friend stephanie is moving to America from Ireland. That's right. Now, she will only be 1 time zone and a 3 hour plane ride away, instead of 9 hour plane ride and 8 time zones :) And with any luck, by the time she arrives there will be a democractic House and Senate. I'm sure that would make her (and millions of Americans) much happier to be living in America.

at alex's request

NOW
Is your hair up?: yes
Is your phone right beside you?:yes, in fact I am talking on it.
Do you have a bf/ gf?: yes
Do you wish you were somewhere else? yes and no
Do you have plans for tonight?: yes. but they involve doing schoolwork.
Are you wearing makeup?: no
Are you wearing chapstick?: yes
Are you cold?: no
Are you tired?: no
Are you excited?: not really
Are you watching t.v.?: no
Are you wearing pajamas?: 1/2 pajamas
Who's the last person you IMed?: devin
Who's the last person that called alex

PAST
Anything you regret? of course
Ever lied?: yes
Ever stuck gum under a desk? no
Ever spit at someone? no
Ever kick something living? no
Ever had your nails done?: yes
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: no

REVEAL A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF:

LAST WEEKEND
Had any plans last weekend?: mainland plans
Who did you see most last weekend?: devin
Was last weekend interesting?: yes

TODAY
Have you yelled at someone? no
Have you gotten mad at someone? nope
Have you cried? no
Have you called more than 3 people?: I've called exactly 3
Have you IMed more than 3 people?: nope
Have you eaten anything gross? no

SPILL YOUR GUTS
Q. First thing you did this morning?: had a shower
Q. Last thing you ate?: serious coffee and vanilla latte
Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks? thanksgiving, finishing 1/2 my thesis
Q. What's annoying you right now? not being able to focus on school b/c it is saturday
Q. What's the last movie you saw? Charade (on t.v. the Audrey Hepburn/Cary Grant version)
Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: no and yes
Q Where is the last place you went?: serious coffee and fairways
Q: Who is the last person you called?: alex
Q: Been cheated on?: no
Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? yes
Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity): love
Q: Do you wish on stars?: yes
Q: Does it work?: i don't know.
Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them of: usually.
Q: When did you last cry? last weekend
Q: Do you like your handwriting? most of the time.
Q: Are you a friendly person? I think so. Though I can be shy at first.
Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?? I don't think so....
Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night? mine
Q: What color shirt are you wearing? grey
Q: Do you have any pets? no. not yet.
Q: What is the color of your bedsheets? navy with a white duvet and pillowcases
Q: What were you doing at 9 last night? walking down foul bay
Q: last person you talked to : alex
Q: When is the last time you saw your dad? early July.
Q: Look to your left: random assortment of stuff
Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep? yes
Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder? I am going to say yes, though I can't think of a time.
Q: Song that makes you cry? I can't think of one.
Q: Are you normally a happy person? yes, I think so.
Q: Is your self-esteem low? no
Q: What color are your eyes? hazel
Q: Long or Short Hair : long-ish
Q: Current Music: no music. phone.

tragedy continued.

Imagine in five or ten or twenty years time being the boys who were allowed to leave the school. How could you ever forgive yourself? How at the age of 40 do you reconcile your life being spared when you were 10, when the life of your sister was not.

For that matter, imagine being one of the men whose life was spared at Ecole Polytechnique in 1988. They were not children, they chose to leave those women there to die. I am not saying they should have choosen to stay and die as well, or that they should have maytred themselves, leaving their own famillies to grieve. I am just saying, what an unbelievably difficult choice. And how different and yet the same the two situations are. How situations which are so obviously tragic are also so subtlely tragic. And I think, for me, it is almost more the subtle tragedies which are the most deeply affecting.

amish

In the past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about Wisconsin v. Yoder, the decision which excuses Amish children from education following 8th grade for cultural reasons. Since the tragedy in Pennslyvania earlier in the week, I have been thinking a lot about in Amish in a variety of different contexts. I don't know why, but this story has affected me more than many of the other far too frequent tragedies involving school shootings, domestic violence, child abuse and all those other things you wish were not a part of the world.

The one thing I keep thinking over and over again is that, thank god that man did not, was unable to, follow through with his intention to sexually assult or rape those young girls. The incrediable fear that that possiblity instill in me is something that I cannot even begin to articulate. Then, I feel so deeply (in equal measure) for members of the Amish community and members of his family. For his wife and his chidren, for the parents and brothers and sisters of those girls. I was watching a bit of Larry King tonight and apparently one of the first things the Amish did was to offer their forgiveness. I may disagree with Wisconsin v. Yoder, but how can I have anything but respect and awe from a community which is able to immediately offer forgiveness in the face of such a crime. (note: clearly there are issues with culture and autonomy and the role of individuals who do not want to offer forgiveness not having the choice, but that is not relevant to the broader tone and point of this point). On Larry King they also said that the family accepted the forgiveness. Which would also not be an easy thing to do. Apparently the family of the man was invited to the funerals of the girls, though it was insinuated that they probably would not attend. How could you? How could you go on. How could you explain that to your children? As a child and as a adult, how do you reconcile loving someone with the knowledge that they committed such a horrible crime? As with so many things of late, this situation, which should be unimaginable, becomes all too real, leaving behind questions which are not answerable.

bandwagon what now?

Today is Wednesday. This coming weekend will be Thanksgiving weekend. It will be my third Thanksgiving not at home, and I don't remember ever being upset before that I wasn't going to get to be with my family this weekend. But this year, I don't know, I am really disappointed that I won't get to see my family, parents, friends etc. this long weekend. Mainly my parents I think, because they were supposed to come visit me the following week, and now they are not. (something to do with buying a second property and being poor again).

And though I will still get to spend the holiday with one person I love, I wish that I could spend it with many people who I love. I always thought that my life would take me wherever I wanted to go - and I still do - but recently I have started to think that I would like to live in at least the same time zone as my parents. My current plan is to settle somewhere and then make my parents move to live near me; however, that probably isn't really fair. Anyways. the moral of my story is that I wish I was going to be able to spend thanksgiving at home.

friday night lights

I had a fabulous weekend (well night) in Vancouver. Taking the bus and the ferry and the bus for many many hours was not fun - but the Flames game was actually super fun. I think I like hockey more when I can see the whole ice (versus on t.v. when you can only see the current play) and our seats were excellent - they were super high up - but you could see really well. The only downside was that when we first got to the game, a person dressed up in a giant canuck-orca suit punched me. He punched me!! I think it was the Flames shirt.

Other things: I got a free room upgrade! My first ameretto sour in forever. remeniscing about the bushes at the airport bus stop. cold crepes in a freezing cold restaurant. listening to my ipod while almost falling asleep on the bus. seeing whales from the ferry! smoked salmon on a bagel. pumpkin flavoured gelato. meeting D. aunt and uncle.

song of the day: what I'm trying to say. the stars

dear abby

DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I have ever written you, but I'd like your opinion about something. Do you think that good and moral qualities in a person are taught, instilled, or just come naturally to people? I'm talking about things like honesty, optimism, sincerity, tidiness, consideration, charity, fairness, etc. -- CURIOUS IN TEHACHAPI, CALIF.

DEAR CURIOUS: I believe the qualities you mentioned are taught, modeled by parents who set examples for their children to follow. And they are instilled when a child is very young.

The other day D and I were having a nature/nurture conversation - and I was more on the side of nature than he was. So this dear Abby brought me back to that. I think I believe that things like sincerity and honesty and charity are taught more than optimism or tidiness. trust me.... if tidiness could be taught my mother would be a much happier person where I am concerned.

I think that talents are definetly nurtured - but things like athletic or musical ability or intellectual or artistic ability come more naturally to some people than others. And that many people will just hit a ceiling in how far they can go due to natural ability. And that some people just need a little bit of nuturing/encouragement to maximize some talents, and some need a lot - and obviously the solution is not to say to a child "you are not good at art, but it's okay you are good at soccer" it is to encourage them in everything, though no amount of training or coaching could make some people good enough to make varsity soccer or get into OCAD (ontario college of art and design). Because some things are very difficult to teach - like vision (be it artistic or how to sense a teammate when they are behind you)

I also think if someone is an optimist or a pessimist and other such things are for the most part innate, though they can be nurtured, or you can give someone coping strategies to deal with being a pessimist but you can't teach them to be an optimist.

That being said - it is much easier to destroy a naturally innate sense of fairness through a bad upbringing than to teach a sense of fairness or compassion to someone who is extremely selfish. And just for the record, as far as me as a person goes, my parents could not have done a better job. Sure, I might have benefited from Kumon or violin lessons or being forced to stay in dance classes against my will, but those things pale in comparrison with sincerity, compassion, charity, kindness and all that other good stuff.

change

I've been thinking lately about change.

we spend years trying to figure out who we are, and what we believe, and what we stand for, and once we figure something out, we can just put it in a little box and keep it there. decided. peremanent. part of who we are. but then someone comes along and asks "why"? Why do you think that? what assumptions have you made that are causing you to think that. look at my assumptions - aren't they valid too? and then you have to work through everything again. looking at their arguments and your beliefs and deciding what to keep and what to throw away.

and this is not always an easy thing to do. it can be very unsettling when changing beliefs can affect how you define yourself. and on the one hand, sometimes I think that if I were really strong person I would stick to my thought out beliefs no questions asked. but I think the situation is more nuanced than that. I believe that by allowing myself to question my beliefs I can gain both compassion and wisdom. and I think admitting that you are not right makes you stronger, and not weaker.

today I got really upset about something really stupid and I kept going over it in my head, and then I said - wait an hour - see how you feel then. So I did lots of things and then came back to it. and realized that though I still thought what I thought and wanted a chance to work through my thoughts and feelings outloud - that the situation as a whole was not as important, not as life and death as I thought it was. I am in this great big hurry to grow up. to appear grown up on paper. but there are many ways of growing up - most of which are not quantifiable - and owning a home, having more degrees, being married, buying a dog - these can all be things that I want to do someday - but doing them today won't make me happier. I am happy. these "grown up" things will make my life different - but not better. and at some point change for the sake of change is pointless. I want to look to the future - to choices and decisions that will affect my life - and I want to have many many options. but not forcing my hand, just because, when I am already happy now.

8 things I thought today

1) If I can't read the globe in the morning, cosmo is not a bad alternative
2) mmmm.. London Fog
3) a gentleman will not only open doors, but also stare into the sun for you
4) playing with toys is fun for children of any age
5) I used to think I didn't mind doing dishes; I was wrong
6) I watched "my three wives" and I've got to say, I don't think I'd be a big fan of having more than two people in my marriage
7) Maggie Gylanhal is gorgeous
8) it may be fall, but summer is still here in victoria

public health

From Friday's Globe and Mail.

taken from an article by Andre Picard - divided into part 1 and part 2 by me as they are two parts of the same conversation - with part one being obviously tragic and part two being less obviously but also more intensely tragic.

Part I
Each year, more than 1.6-million people worldwide die in violent circumstances and many times more are wounded, according to the World Health Organization.

Of that total, an estimated 815,000 committed suicide, 520,000 were victims of homicide and 310,000 died in armed conflicts, including terrorist attacks.

In other words, for all the news headlines about war, murder, suicide bombings and bloody mayhem, the stark reality is that most violence is self-inflicted.

In Canada, the statistics show an even greater disparity -- six suicides for every homicide. Each year, in a country of 30 million, there are about 650 homicides and 3,700 suicides.

Part II

The homicide at Dawson College last week generated unprecedented levels of media coverage because it was unusual -- very public and involving several guns.

Two young people died tragically that day: An 18-year-old woman was savagely slain, and a 25-year-old man culminated a violent outburst by taking his own life.

All the sympathy, the tears and the concern have been for Ms. De Sousa. But, from a public-health perspective, just as much -- if not more -- attention should be paid to the suicide of Kimveer Gill.

There are fewer than two homicides a day in Canada but more than 10 suicides daily -- each of them a violent act, and each of them a failure of public health.

television part II

Do you know who else is brilliant? John Doyle.

Making the counter-argument [why television is good] against this attitude [why television is bad] tends to give me a headache, so I'll keep it brief here. You want to know why many, many Canadians are uneasy about our current fighting role in Afghanistan? Try watching the most popular Canadian-made TV series of the moment. That would be Corner Gas. Nothing happens on it. There's no fighting, no gung-ho stuff about heroes and guns and mayhem, and similar themes. A bunch of people in a tiny town swap low-key jokes and get excited about what's on the menu at the local diner. The cops are a bit incompetent and crime is non-existent. The harshest word heard is a coot hissing "jackass!" Canadian viewers love it. They lap it up. It's how we see ourselves, that's why.

for the record, I also love corner gas.

television

well folks, it's that time of year again.

the new television season.

my plans for this viewing season are Grey's Anatomy and Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip.

seeing as the former hasn't aired yet, let me say why I am planning on watching the latter.

two words: aaron sorkin.

for those of you who do not know who aaron sorkin is - he is a genius. He was the creator of Sports Night, which (for those of you who do not know), was a very funny, ABC, half-hour, laugh-track-less comedy show, which first brought the beautiful and talented Feclicity Huffman into homes across America. He is also the creator of the West Wing (brilliant!) and wrote the screenplay (and possibly the play-play) for a Few Good Men - which is, without a doubt, one of my favourite moives of all time. He has fabulous ideas, dialougue, employs brilliant actors and I will jump on any aaron sorkin television bandwagon until such time that I have reason to jump off.

secondary viewing: House, Smith, Ugly Betty (i'm hearing good things people), and of course the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Of course, for the most part I will be spending my life NOT watching t.v., but that is all the more reason to take time to chose wisely with what I will watch.

celebrity, cars, and coke: reflections on 21st century society. (okay - so it's a random list of stuff - but I was trying for a clever title)

1) I am glad that I did not grow up in a small town
2) I really like David Duchovny. I like him because he has been married to the same woman for a number of years, and because he takes on a wide variety of film and movie roles, and because he can make fun of himself, and because he is extremely good looking.
3) The next time I have breakfast, I really want to have bacon and eggs and toast and hash browns and sausage. Except I don't eat bacon or sausage, but eggs and toast and hashbrowns is all too much the same. I think maybe I want to start eating (red) meat again.
4) My boyfriend is an absolutely amazing chef. Even when he's just "preparing" food and not actually making anything - it is beyond fabulous.
5) I was watching "Rich Bride, Poor Bride" on t.v. and the wedding budget was $20,000 - except the bride bought the husband an SUV as a wedding gift, putting them $40,000 over budget. They had previously decided together to buy a house before a car - and it was mostly the husband's money, not the wife's that would be paying for this car. If my partner bought me a $40,000 gift that we had decided we couldn't afford - I would probably have to completly revaluate our relationship because that to me is not a partnership.

Quote of the day:

(as said by me, in context, during a conversation with one of my friends)

"well really, there is no right age to do cocaine."

with valuable insights like that, is it any wonder that I got into graduate school?

sarah's visit

1) taxis
2) psycopathic taxi man
3) irish times pub
4) gbs and Jeremy Fisher
5) hypodermic needles
6) seafood
7) bread
8) chocolate
9) Ferris
10) water taxi
11) shopping - the bay - the gap - metrotown - robson st.
12) ice cream
13) whales
14) hot springs - rainforest - boardwalk
15) sudbury - to NYC - to LA woman and her two children
16) $100 hoodie
17) dinner with s & j
18) matching roots bags
19) american television
20) st. regis

things I am now

1) cold
2) tired
3) happy

friendship

my friend who was visiting me left yesterday.

I miss her. I miss having someone to be with - sit around with - watch t.v. with. I love living by myself - but after having a roomate for two weeks I must admit to feeling a little lonely.

when I am sad I like to think about all the people who love me. my family. my friends. I don't tell my friends how important they are enough - or that I love them enough (not that I love all my friends, sometimes I feel that word is bandied about a bit too much... but i'm making a bigger point here). and I know that they know - but I still think that we should say it more. everyone should say things like that more. so people know. because everyone likes to know/be reminded of the fact that there are people out there who love them and value them and care about them. and it's hard being so far away from my friends. vancouver. toronto. hamilton. waterloo. london. belfast. ireland. tucson. boston. and all the friends I have lost touch with - who could be anywhere. I want to go to the starbucks on avenue road, or common ground, or empires (the one with the penguins) on botanic, or serious coffee in oak bay, or that place in chinatown that I love, or heck, even finnerty's and sit and talk and laugh over over-priced, elborately named coffee-type-beverages. I want to be with many different people in many different places - but I can't. I am here. and really - here is not so bad. here has a lot going for it. in fact, the only bad thing I have to say about here, is that here is not there.