Friday, February 24, 2006


i bought coffee an hour ago.

it's my wonderful thermos (that darling devin bought for me). That means that I can buy coffee when I'm out and drink it much later. And it's still hot! I also bought a starbucks cookie!!

then I went to the grocery store. I bought blueberries (yum!) and veggies for greek salad for dinner!

also. I love curling. CURLING!! I wanna curl all night long.... !

Thursday, February 23, 2006

on moonlit strolls and morning sex...

i just really like the way this title sounds...


1) my mother LIKES the bell olympic commercials with the beavers.

2) what gets me through those long, lonely nights...

Oh my god we're back again
Brothers sisters everybody sing
Gonna bring the flavor
Show you how
Gotta a question for you
Better answer now
Am I original
Am I the only one
Am I sexual
Am I everything you need
You better rock your body now

Rock your body
Rock your body right
Backstreet's back

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

on the nature of blogging...


so D's brother is getting married to a girl named K. today I read her blog and I think that we are potentially a lot alike. at least as far as i can tell from her blog. well - i don't post OBSESSIVELY about every episode of the Amazing Race - but it's something I would do....

so then I was thinking - have I made a mistake making this blog to personal? I can't really give the address to strangers (heck i have lots of friends who I wouldn't want to give it to).... but that means that there are lots of people who might want to read it who can't.... like my parents for one... or what if i wanted to post on K.'s blog - I couldn't b/c she couldn't read my mine...

but then again if someone were to read my blog they would be like "wow. this girl is a giant idiot... i sure hope that I am nothing like her...." so maybe it's a good thing that only two people read it... because they know me well enough to ignore everything I write here...

michael phelps is an idiot.


he may be an amzing athlete (athletic genius even) - but i just saw him interviewed on nbc and he just sounded like an idiot. firstly, i'm fairly sure he was arrested for drunk driving last year - but as for this morning - after saying how his mom dragged him to figure skating earlier in the games and that he would not be going back for more (not that i care if you don't like figure skating - but it's the olympics - don't be mean about it) he's critizing american athletes who have not lived up to their potential in torino. not criticizing but being like "well it's too bad that he's totally sucked so far but maybe he can pull out at least one medal for the USA" (to paraphrase slightly). Now let's think about swimming versus skiing. You're not going to DIE in swimming. You're equiptment is not going to MALFUNCTION in swimming. You are not going to fall out of the pool in swimming.

this made me more angry than is remotely rational.

Monday, February 20, 2006

in addition.

i just got off the phone with D.

I feel a lot better now. and really happy.

blissfully content.

warning: excessively sappy


so i talk to d. and though i have nothing to say - i don't want to stop talking to him. and it's silly. because i talk to him like twice a day. and there are things i want to say - but some things i just want to say in person. and even when i have nothing i want to say - i just want to be on the phone with him.

which is silly. because ultimately what I want is for him to be here - and no amount of phone-talk will equal him being here. and talking about nothing on the phone for an hour will not really solve that problem. so what should I do?

i'm all like "woe is me" when clearly woe is not me. and things are going pretty good. tomorrow i am going to school - mix things up a bit.


There's a girl I know
I want to take her around the world
But she's so unreliable
She's so unreliable
And it would be my luck
She only likes me when she gets drunk
And lately she's been thinking
Of giving up drinking
Come tomorrow
I'll be watching you cry

The Whitlams rock my world.

are YOU up to the challenge?


"i need a man who is not terrified of my towering intellect" -road to avonlea


Sunday, February 19, 2006

list me.

i miss D. a lot. it's been a day and a half. how ridiculous is that? at least tonight i have meredith, dr. mcdreamy and sandra oh to keep me company - but even they are not the same without D. okay. enough.

in the words of destiny's child, i am an "independent women". yes that's right. i am a women. okay. so maybe there are some flaws in my musical reference. tomorrow will be hardcore. HARDCORE!!

the other day I was meeting with a prof and I wanted to say "balls out" - which is not something that I say - and clearly not appropriate for the situation. but I was totally stuck and I had no idea what to say instead. i was totally tongue-tied. anyways. that's somewhat of a non-sequitar.

I think I may be blogging a lot this week. between blogging, schoolwork, the olympics, the beach, phonesex, and shopping I should have a pretty good week. fingers crossed.

thank heavens for public broadcasting.

wise words from the cbc in torino:

"it is winter in Italy".

Yeah. Thanks for that. Thanks so much.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


okay. so i just watched the movie crash. the 2005 movie, not the david cronenburg movie of the same name. and wow. i don't know if you've seen it. but it was really good.
okay. first. and this is by no means the first time i have realized the following. but i have led such a privilleged existence. and i don't (just) mean economically. growing up in canada, in a multi-cultural, multi-ethnic city a simple view would be that i come from a world where racism is not a very big deal and where we embrace cultural differences. however - i am not that naive. i come from an upper middle class existence where racism and intolerance and disciminatory treatment are hidden and assumed. the women who clean your houses and race your children. the men who sweep your floors and work behind the counter at the convience store. people we see every day and don't see.

but even more than that - not living in a multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, economically varried neighbourhood - if there were racism etc. would i even see it? not really. but that's not true. i bet if i lived in the same neighbourhood and was black, or arab, or indian (native or from india) i would notice it. maybe not a lot. maybe not everyday. but i would. I went to a high school where everyone was white. i have lived in kingston, belfast and victoria - each city whiter than the last. i have the luxury of a) being in the majority and b) living in a country/city who perpetuate the myth of racial harmony and the "tossed salad" ethic.

now i am also not trying to suggest that toronto in any way resembles the los angles presented in this movie (which i am taking for truth - but clearly i cannot know this, hence the caveat) but i am saying that in some respects we have ourselves convinced that it doesn't exist - when maybe in fact it does. or maybe it doesn't.

the other thing that i was thinking about (relatedly) is how naive i am. by which i mean i think that the world should work - that there should be mechanisms in place to combat racism, sexism, homophoiba, and that people should be held accountable for their actions. but i don't think there is - really. and the thing with this stuff is that it's so systemic and systematic that on some level it can't be addressed (just to state the obvious) and i don't know what the answer is.

minority policing in minority communities - this makes so much sense on the one hand - on the other hand people claim that it is reverse racism (or something like that). Having women and minorities in parliament. i like to think it makes a difference - but does it? Once people are in a place where they have become part of the instituion, machine, at some level they must have accepted the status quo.

incidently - there is literature of "critical mass" - the amount of women needed in a parliment, legislature to affect change - it's around 40%.... imagine.

the other thing which this film did really well is it showed the multi-dimensional nature of human beings. so well. we are all deeply fucked up and conflicted indivdiuals and you never know how you will act under any circumstance. you just don't. even if you are lucky enough to know how you would want to act - actually behaving in that way is something else entirely. If you were walking down the street and you saw someone being beat up would you step in? Someone you know makes a gay joke. someone you don't know makes a gay joke. when does humour show integration into a cultural fabric and when does it mask fear and hatred? what do cultural sterotypes accomplish? if they are true why shouldn't we use them - or do we perpetuate them?

we reify (definition: To regard or treat (an abstraction) as if it had concrete or material existence) identity as though it were real. something that exists in the abstrat. but it doesn't. i'm not saying that individual's don't have their own identities, but i am saying that identity is not something that you can hang your hat on (so to speak). It has only the value attached to it, which we attach to it and signifies only what we want it to signify. yet somehow it seems inescapable. and i don't think that's okay. but we all already know how much i don't like labels. the thing is they are so goddamn useful in affecting actual political change. crucial in fact. oh my god. this stuff is all far too complicated. who would stupid enough to actual try to study it. it just makes no sense and there are no answers. well. no realistically implementable answers.

it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

emmanuel sandhu is not my state of zen

Emmanuel Sandhu is blaming being left off the Olympic team in 1998 for why he is a horrible skater in 2006. oh. my. god. now i am not a professional skater. or a professional athlete. I am not the best in the world at anything. but my godness. that was 8 years ago. move on. get over it.

next thought. I am feeling weird. i don't know why. I am looking forward to reading week. like i'll have school work etc. to do and be focused on - but i'll have some breathing space to not be as stressed. to not wake up before 8am. to go for coffee at new coffeeshops and to walk down as yet unexplored beaches. now it's not like i think i will be reaching a state of zen - but a moment or two would be nice.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

if you're not in love, may I suggest someone...

It's 10 o'clock. do you know where your children are?



if you are not already in love with Dale Begg-Smith you should be. now I am already in love - but if you are reading this and you are not in love - let me just say - wow. wow. wow. brain exploding wow! If I was a celebrity, my agent would so be on the phone to his agent right about now. (not that he has an agent - though he might - but you see where I'm going) thank you olympics.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

love smart

Today I felt really old.

I was sitting in front of my tutorial looking at all the little people (okay 18year olds) and thinking about all the hope, potential, life, that they have in front of them which is already behind me. All of my undergrad, all those nights of drinking and dancing, the random hookups, the learning about boys and girls, learning about what inspires them, what their passions are.... I realize the obvious - that I am 22 and it's not like i'm knocking on death's door with never another adventure ahead of me - but the clock is ticking... it makes you think - when i'm 25, 28, 32 what can I do now that i will look back and be like "yes. that's good. good for me for making those choices"

so valentines day. all the other blogs that i read have written about valentines - so let's see if i have any thoughts.... If I wasn't in love I think that I would just treat this day like any other day... and since I am in love.... I'm okay with today being like any other day. Sadly I don't get to go to sleep with D. but I got to wake up next to him so I'm okay with that. I mean - I could be Paula Abdul and go on Dr. Phil and talk to him about the problems in my love life - however - I have no problems - and with any luck (though i might have love life problems in the future) I will be able to pull my life together enough to work through my own love-life crisises - or else admit I have a problem and enter real therapy.

Okay - now t.v. is distracting me so I will sign off and think more about such things later.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

kiss me kate.

today i wrote a poem.

it was beautiful.

okay so it was a limerick.

and it was dirty.

and on t.v. right now is a pizzahut commercial starring jessica simpson.

it makes me like jessica simpson less.

however - she has millions of dollars so she probably doesn't really care what I think.

in other news - i heart dmt.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

night with house.


so house is no substitute for D., but Hugh Laurie is pretty cute and has a super sexy American accent (it counts as an accent becuase it is not real). now that being said he is getting busy with Sela ward - but that's okay because if I was Hugh Laurie I would think that she was pretty hot too. And let me just add that the two of them look really hot naked. (well - primetime t.v. naked).

i think i need to start doing more interesting things so i have something to write about on my blog. my life consists of doing schoolwork, wathcing Grey's Anatomy, and going to bed with the hottest guy I know.

speaking of hot guys... the man in the walmart commercial is really really unattractive. i'm sorry. but he is. oh oh! maybe I am being judgemental. it must be all the bad influcence of all my judgemental friends.

note: american idol. we freakin' live in a culture where everyone feels as though they have the right to judge. we all do it. all the time. it's like people exist for us to judge. it's the world that we live in - fucked up though that may be. that girl is too fat for those jeans, that guy is too skinny for his jeans. She looks like a slut, he looks dirty. I mean look at Britney and KFed - If that doesn't sum up everything that's wrong with our society (and I mean our response to them - we created them - they are in many ways a product of the society which we very actively produced). Anyways - moral of the story is that we all judge and some judgements are more significant and hurtful and far reaching than others.

alright. those are my thoughts for now.

Friday, February 03, 2006

friday afternoon

wow. friday already. my goodness.

i wanted to rent a movie to watch this afternoon.

the video store opens at 2pm. i got there at 2:10. no one was there. 1/2 a freakin' hour later there was still no one there. so anyway - needless to say i do not have a movie. this makes me sad.

the other day i was talking to D. and telling him that i was freaked out about stuff - not stuff that reflected actual reality, but stuff that i thought about in my head. D.'s response was that everyone thinks random thoughts - but most people do not freak out in response to their irrational fears when they know that they are irrational.

today i got two books in the mail. that makes me happy. and yesterday i got a new c.d. life is good. i mean obviously i had to buy/pay for these things - so it wasn't like they magically appear. but still. no complaints here.