Thursday, March 30, 2006


clean. warm. happy.

tomorrow and care

There are a lot things I am thinking about right now.

My presentation.
What I will wear.
What I will say.
If it will go well.
What people will think.

Today I was thinking that I really miss being taken care of. That's what is so nice about going home for a few days (not that I can do that.. but I digress) having someone take care of you. I also think that's part of the reason why people decided to form longterm partnerships - to have someone take care of them.

Now don't get me wrong - if someone tried to take care of me all the time I would go crazy. I am super independent and I don't need someone to take care of me - I am more than capable of taking care of myself and do not a bad a job of it - however - that doesn't mean that from time to time for an evening or a day - I wouldn't mind just feeling safe and special without having to worry about anything. Not my messy apartment, not my schoolwork, not my future, not my problems, just to be safe and special and taken care of.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

new clothes

Yesterday after my tutorial I decided to go downtown.

now a couple weeks ago I decided that I should wait until I returned to Toronto to go shopping - b/c though the shopping in victoria is acceptable - it's far from fabulous.

however - yesterday I decided that I wanted to buy something new for Friday - so off I went. I made several lovely purchases, chief among them several t-shirts at Espirit. Now I don't usually buy clothing at espirit - largely because it tends to be quite expensive - however - on occasion I do find an exceptional and inexpensive purchase. Yesturday I bought two t-shirts for $25 time 2. So 4 t-shirts for $50. Now this might seem like a lot of money to spend on t-shirts - but I always complain that I lack enough basic clothing essentials - like basics tees in a variety of coulours (acqua, periwinkle, white and light grey) and at $12 a shirt for a name brand - I think I did pretty well. Note I am not mentioning my ridiculously expensive and unecessary purchase....

Thursday, March 23, 2006




but 2 2 does not equal 4

and 4 4 does not equal 8

signs play such an important role in our society.

we read signs everyday. we read them to understand what is going on in society. we read them to know what people are thinking. what is going on under the surface. from a very young age we learn to understand them and to use them. and the are necessary. there is too much information for us to absorb without the use of signs. and if we lose signs. signs of language, signs of place, signs of being, we lose meaning. and 2 and 2 do not beome eight. they just stay 2 and 2.

well... as long as I know...

You'll have your looks
Your pretty face
And don't underestimate the importance of
Body language, Ha!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They thing a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much
ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear
What is idle prattle for?

Come on
They're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue
Who gets her man

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


I have changed my opinion on larry and giving advice. he gives very good advice. and he makes me happy.

oh wow. I forgot. something good happened today. something really good. something which made me happy. though i am not nearly as happy as it should be. maybe it's my stress. from school and everything else. it's just hard being stressed about multiple things at once. oh well. I am going to get through everything. Everything will be okay. I am just going to relax and make the choices I need to make that are right for me. choices to bring me serentity and success. and actual serenity, not "serenity now" serenity.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I think I should learn to meditate

forty-five seconds of your day.

forty-five seconds.

even if it's not the most productive/enjoyable/pleasurable use of those forty-five seconds it's still just forty-five seconds.

also - D. accidently left his sweatshirt at my house the other day - and so I am wearing it now - and it makes me happy b/c when I am sad I like to thing about D. b/c it makes me happy.

Monday, March 20, 2006


Tonight on my way home from school I bought flowers.

They are already in bloom - but it's been almost two weeks since I last bought flowers and I was going through withdrawl. They are red and super pretty.

Right now it is just past half seven - I just had dinner - now I am watching coronation street - and when that is done more school work. The next three days are going to be awful. really really awful. the spasm in my back today was not a good sign.

I overthink things. I have decided to compromise with myself. I will continue to overthink things and talk about how I overthink things - but I will not get upset about the things I overthink. I think that is a fair compromise. because I would rather hold on to my happiness than fritter it away worrying about silly things.

Sunday, March 19, 2006


In the last two days I have gotten emails from four friends.

One lives in Ontario
One lives in Switzerland
One lives in Hungary
One lives in Australia.

All are from Canada originally.

I am having an existential crisis.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

addison and sushi

there's this great grey's anatomy quote where addison says something to the affect of "there is a land called passive aggressivia and I am its queen"

great line, exchange, show - moving on.

lately - I have very tempted to act out in a passive aggressive manner. however - I am trying very hard to fight against behaving in such a way which will not only be unproductive, but also hypocritical on my part. trying. trying.

on that note - I talked to my friend AH tonight (who is freakin' brilliant) and sometimes its good to have an outside perspective on what's going on in your life. because sometimes you get so caught up your own stuff you cannot be objective about your thoughts/feelings etc. and so it helps when someone else indpendently reaches the same conclusions. it's like science!

on another note - D. and I are going out for sushi tomorrow. I am very excited as I have not had sushi in like four months. I hope that it very good. I am also really excited as I haven't seen him in about a week. and so I hope that it is also very good. I like sushi. but i definetly like D. more. I feel like that was should really be assumed - but I just thought I'd say it anyways.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Quote of the Day

"It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs. Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four."
-- Samuel Butler

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tintin and neurosis

Part I

I took an online quiz for children entitled "what hero are you most like?" and it says I am most like Tintin!! (Hermonie was not a possible result - because that is who I was hoping I would get). That being said - I am thrilled with the Tintin response. Why? Because Tintin is super cool - that is why!! This is why I am like Tintin:

Just like him, you are sociable and you like to make new friends. You don’t think violence is a good idea. You would rather think things over and find the best solution. You are a very faithful friend. You would never go against your best friend or do anything to hurt him or her. You are one of the most inquisitive students in your class. You love to learn new things. That is why, like Tintin, you would be a good foreign correspondent. You would also be good at solving the world’s great mysteries. Even though Tintin is not a real person, you can use him as a model and help the people around you.

So there you have it. I will adopt the spirit of Tintin and bring it into my everyday life. Me and the captain and snowy and those crazy twins - what adventures will we have next?

Part II

After doing some self-reflecting - I have decided that I like being in control. Not control like "you all must do what I say!!!" but control in a knowledge is power sort of way. I don't like unknowns. I am not a super spontaneous person (which I would definetly like to be more of - and I do try to take opportunities for spontaneity should they come my way) and I just get a sense of calm when I know what to expect. I am the kind of person who will ask six people what they are wearing to a party so I know what to expect. I mean granted I have chosen a number of universities based on nothing more than a feeling - but when it comes to the small things - to details - I like to know. It calms me down. Someone (T. maybe) said that I can be neurotic (she meant it nicely) - and though that was not a word I had ever considered applying to myself before she did sorta seem to hit on something. Which is why I have like having knowledge/control - it keeps me in check and keeps me rational. I can make rational decisions and have rational feelings because I understand all the factors and I can then make decisions accordingly.

Seriously. I should so be in a Counselling Psycology MA program somewhere... however - i am trying to hold off on becoming female version of my father (for at least a little while yet...)

Saturday, March 11, 2006

tabby cats and TAing

There are many types of cats.

The only type I could have identified prior to three days ago was a siamese. Now I (think) I could identify a tabby cat. That is because I am currently feeding two tabby cats. There are two super cute tabbies - one of whom is super friendly and the other who does not really like anyone. however - since I have started feeding her she has become considerably more friendly towards me.

Now it is very late (and by very I mean 11:30 at night) and so I am going to sleep. I was hoping to mark all my midterms today - but I marked 2/3 so I will do the rest tomorrow/monday...

The prof whose class it is doesn't ever seem to return emails on the weekend which is massively inconvient for me. I understand the desire to take a break on the weekend and that maybe it is not a good thing that our society has put people on call 24/7.... However - he should at least reply emails from his TAs :)

Thursday, March 09, 2006

at the movie store

today i was in my local video store.

and the lady behind the desk was recommending some stuff to a man in the store, including crash, which she characterized as a "guy film", okay.....

so then, unasked, she begins to recommend movies I might like. She starts with "In her shoes" and then moves on "must love dogs"

Now - I'm not saying that I don't like a good "chick flick" every now and again.... but something about a 50year old woman telling me that I should renting must love dogs - rather than say Crash - bothered me. If I had said "could you please recommend a nice romantic comedy" then those would have been good choices - but I just didn't really appreciate her assumptions.

I'm not terribly upset or anything - I just thought it was interesting.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

House Quotes

"seriously, go home and sex with your wife."

"does it occur to you that you errored at some deeper level, and made the wrong kind of friend?"

walking in mephasis... (next time i'll try victoria)

Put on my blue suede shoes
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain
W.C. Handy - won't you look down over me
Cause I got a first-class ticket
And I'm as blue as a boy can be

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel

Saw the ghost of Elvis
On Union Avenue
Followed him up to the gates of Graceland
I watched him walk right through
Now security they did not see him
They just hovered 'round his tomb
There's a pretty little thing
Waiting for 'The King'
Down in the Jungle Room

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
Do I really feel the way I feel

They've got catfish on the table
They've got gospel in the air
And Reverend Green be glad to see you
When you haven't got a prayer
You've got a prayer in Memphis

Now Muriel plays the piano
Every Friday at the Hollywood
And they brought me down to see her
And they asked me if I would
Do a little number
And I sang with all my might
She said "Tell me are you a Christain"
I said "Ma'am I am tonight"

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel
Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel
Walking in Memphis

Monday, March 06, 2006

little creatures

yesterday I bought lillies.

they are very pretty.

today i got an email from aes. that made me happy.

there are lots of little baby rabbits all over the uvic campus. they are super super cute. i want a little baby rabbit. well not actually. but i would love to have a little baby animal for a while. like a kitten. or a puppy. or a little bunny!!

Saturday, March 04, 2006

tomorrow is sunday.

okay. saturday.

tomorrow is sunday. sunday = school day!! I get to read 4 chapters of a book plus a whole bunch of articles.

last night D. and I went for a walk on the beach near my house. It was very nice - I love living so close to the ocean!! Then we had milk and cookies at my house. It was fun!

Next week my tutorials start again after one week off. Tutorials are always fun but they can also be stressful. They almost always go well - but after 6months of teaching about Canadian political institutions they are getting a little boring.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

walking the line.

okay. so recently i have become immersed in d.'s family's blog network. well - his sister - his sister-in-law and her sister. so everyday i check. and i learn what is going on in their lives. i think d. might think that's a little strange. probably because it is a little strange. but is it bad strange? any thoughts.

today i paid my rent. it was one day late. but that's only b/c i forget yesterday.

also. i saw walk the line. i think i was expecting more. i mean i enjoyed it. it was good. maybe because of the genre (bio-pic) it can't go places where a strictly dramatic movie could. I realize that that could make it more compelling... but i don't think this is an example of that.

it's not a movie that five years from now i'm going to be like "wow - that was an amazing movie" nor is it a movie i will look back on be like "that was such a cute movie! you have to see it!"

anyways - this is not to say that it wasn't good. just that it wasn't great.

final point. there has been the same load of laundry in the washing machine for 3 days. I WANT TO WASH MY CLOTHES!! (and my sheets)