Sunday, April 30, 2006

a tale of two cities II

During a recent visit to Victoria, I decided to go for a run along the seawall. It was an insanely gorgeous day, all blazing blue sky, clear light and soothing waves -- the kind of day that winds up and punches you in the gut for living in Toronto, or anywhere else in the world, really, except Victoria.

-Leah McLaren/Saturday's Globe.

Race Against Time

At the moment I am reading Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis. This is an excellent book. If you have not read it, you should immidiately get yourself to a bookstore and purchase this book.

It is a collection of the 2005 Massey Lectures which he delivered across canada, broadcast on the CBC. It is excellent, both as an introduction and an exposition on the global outrage that is the HIV/AIDS pandemic in Sub-Saharan Africa as well as providing excellent and insightful commentary on the United Nations, IMF & World Bank, International Development, International Response, African Governance, Education, Food, Poverty and the like.

As a disclaimer - I have only read the first three lectures out of five - but I am expecting that the quality will be continue to be excellent and it is one of the those books (which me) is difficult to put down. I don't have a hero (though clearly I have an enormous amount of respect/admiration for my parents and grandparents etc.) but I don't have an external hero. However. If one was going to choose a hero - he would be an excellent candidate.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

in case you're keeping track - that's an MSc and an MD

"he's a sexologist-gynocologist!!"

variety of random thoughts.

Calgary has a power play and the commentators are discussing hotel accomodation in small-town Canada?

T. is coming tomorrow. The amount of cleaning/tidying organzing I have to do btw. now and then is... well... a lot.

television commericals get songs stuck in my head. which I guess is the point - but I am not exactly in the market for Viagara or a Capital One card (though more the latter than the former).

I wish I had a cordless phone. Why do they make the Calgary game goal/no goal call in Toronto? I will have to ask.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

britney and children.


so the rumours are true. britney spears is pregnant. again. with k-feds baby. again.

however - this post is not about, what is rapidly becomming, my unhealthy obsession with celebrity gossip.

when I read the news I felt bad for britney. apparently she is unhappily married, and was going to file for divorce when she realized she was pregnant - hence the now trying to work on the marriage (and for the record - clearly marriage is work and something to be given up - though there are instances where the situation could become intolerable - I clearly do not know enough about their marriage to offer an opinion on that).

but I digress. my point is that there are thousands/tens of thousands of children born every year in North America where the pregnancy was unplanned (i hesitate to use the word unwanted - because unplanned certainly does not mean unwanted). And yet - here I am - having sympathy for someone with the financial resources to have access to: proper medical care, a nutrionist, professional childcare givers, therapy, birth control etc.

instead my thoughts should be on the millions of young women in the united states and canada who do not have access to these things. access to proper pre-natal care, post-natal mental health outreach, qualified daycare providers - and don't get me started on the lack of access to (and information about) birth control. (not knowing about condom usage will not stop kids from having sex; it will, however, mean that they will not use condoms when they do so).

Women/girls who for lack of economic and educational opportunites have such limited opportunites generally. I can only imagine what a gift motherhood must be - but I feel for all those mothers out there who cannot afford proper medical care for their children, who have to work 60hours a week to support their children without having qualified subsidized daycare to help look after their children. Balancing the need to provide for their child with the need to be there for their child.

Britney Spears may have problems - but hers are not the problems we should be focusing on or thinking about.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

hockey! (wait, what hockey?)

At the end of the first period it is tied 1-1.

But it's okay. there is no way the Ducks can win. The ONLY way they could win would be if Charlie Conway came back. However - since he is a fictional character that seems very unlikely.

Go Flames Go!!

Sunday, April 23, 2006

lyrics (abridged)

There was the stage, two red lights and a dodgy P.A.
You trod the planks way back then
And it's strange that you're here again, here again

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To make you feel better, walk out of this place
and Defeat them in your secret battle
Show them you can be your own man again

Don't, don't explain
Lots of little victories take on the pain
It takes so long to earn
You can double up or you can burn, you can burn

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To blow up the pokies and drag them away
'Cause they're taking the food off your table
So they can say that the trains run on time

cultural reference points

M.C. Hammer - 2 Legit 2 Quit - 1991

Ace of Base - The Sign - 1993

Saturday, April 22, 2006


life is about finding a balance between independence and dependence.

I think that it would be easier to be happy being completely independent than completely dependent - however - in order to be truly happy you need a balance of the two.

which is why you (general you and you-you) love your independence and love going home to see your family.

I feel that I am more independent than many people I know in many ways - and less independent than many people I know in many ways. And I am fairly happy with the balance I have achieved.

That being said - I would like to be more adventurous than I am - which will require a greater independence than I currently have. The problem with adventures is that ideally I could adventure with someone - in a nice independence/dependence balance.

I want to be rich and married and have adventures. And save the world. Is that too much to ask?

ya think?

Vatican - Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini, 79, retired archbishop of Milan and one-time papal contender said in comments published yesterday that condoms are the "lesser evil" in combatting the spread of AIDS, the latest senior churchman to diverge from the Vatican's opposition to birth control and artificial contraception.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Coronation Street

Tim: what time do you get off work?
Sean: half eleven, quarter to twleve.
Tim: do you want to do something then?
Sean: how about you come back to mine for some coffee?
Tim: Is coffee a euphemsim?
Sean: One second?[Whispering to Violet] What's a euphemism?
Violet: [Whispers something back]
Sean (to Tim): Yes, coffee is definetely a euphemism.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

two thoughts for the day.

"because pretending that you know things is much worse that not knowing anything. the only thing worse then that is just not caring about knowing anything. i want to learn things, and if i dont know, then i'll ask, so if i ask you, its not cause i'm testing you, its cause i want to know, i'm interested."


T. said that you want to support people who are trying to be better people, even if it's frustrating - and that you get frustrated with people who can be better people than they are, who and choose not to be. To that I will add that you feel so unbelievably lucky when there are people who you already think the world of, and who still constantly manage to impress and surprise and inspire you. Those are the people who you must always refuse to let go of.

Monday, April 17, 2006

more leonard cohen

For Anne

With Annie gone,
whose eyes to compare
with the morning sun?

Not that I did compare,
But I do compare
Now that she's gone.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

song lyrics II

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beautyin the moonlightoverthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne,she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

There was a time you'd let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me do you?
Remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

thank you leonard cohen for adding to the beauty in the world.
(after 24hours of thinking about this song non-stop I had to add the rest of the lyrics.)

Making Memories

Botticelli, The Birth of Venus Posted by Picasa

song lyrics

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day
And wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
Wouldn't it be good if we cold live without a care

Thursday, April 13, 2006

in line at the grocery store.

today I was in line at the grocery store and the woman ahead of me in line... her brother lives on the same street as my parents in Toronto.

It's not really the unbeliveable coincendence of this... it's that in our 45second conversation we managed to unearth this piece of information. I love humanity.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


A long time ago (ago not that long) I made the decision that if I have a choice between being happy and being not happy to choose to be happy.

And a lot of times one can make a decision to move from being not happy to being happy. Most of the time the decision is internal. but occasionally it is external.

Like when Dan Savage tells a gay man in a town of 17 in the American midwest to move to a big city. At some point no matter how many choices you make inside - the environment might make it completely impossible to actually be happy.

The flip side of that is people who try to run away from their unhappiness. People for whom it is easier to move across the world than to address what is going on inside. But evenutally it catches up with you and you have to move again. etc.

And sometimes it is hard to know which is which. When to cut and run and when the problem is internal. Usually my problems are internal - but there is an occasion or two where I have to reflect an internal decision with an external change.

In order to know what you should do you have to trust yourself. And until you figure out what to do - you have to trust that you know yourself well enough that eventually you will figure it out. And lucky for me - I trust myself.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Omnipotent: Having unlimited or universal power, authority, or force; all-powerful.

Omniscient: Having total knowledge; knowing everything

Today in three parts

Part I

Today I handed in term paper number 1 of 2.

Unlike both of my term papers last term - it was not horrible! This is a good thing.

Unfortunetly - term paper 2 will be a bit more difficult.

So I am going to take tonight off.

I am going to watch American Idol and House - completely guilt free!!

And tomorrow I will begin again.

Part II

Street Legal Quotes:

"as a member of the walkman generation..."

"art? what do you think I am? the CBC?"

Part III

Also - I want to get D. an "end of term" present. Any suggestions?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

it is not my fault that I overthink things.

My favourite Quote.

I first posted this in November - but things which I wish to remember I shall also choose to repeat.

"The aim of life is to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenly, divinely, aware." - Henry Miller

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Things I like (again).

Things I like:

Serious Coffee.
Jill Hennessy. (sp?)
Planning for the future.
Helping to push other peoples boundaries.
Having my boundaries be pushed.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

memories. past. future.

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever


red wine.

greek salad.



I feel much better.

now all I need are answers.

John Doyle and Stephen Harper

There is a man named John Doyle. He is the TV critic for the Globe and Mail. He is hilarious. Below I would like to post a paragraph of today's colum which I feel some of you may appreciate. (I would just link it except that you need to be a G&M subscriber to access the online columns - but seriously - if you get the Globe and Mail - go read the column!)

Re: Stephen Harper

"As for his attire, on his stunningly successful visit to Mexico to meet other glorious leaders, so what if he looked like Red Green? Who among us has not travelled to Mexico and felt that we looked like Red Green when surrounded by swarthy, handsome Latinos and sleek Americans? Our Glorious Leader is merely confirming his paid-up membership in the Possum Lodge. Again, he need not speak. Such is the genius of his cunning, that he silently embodies us in both girth and attire."

Monday, April 03, 2006



I just watched the last 1/2 hour of the CTV made-for-tv-movie stolen innocence.

now - it was not particularly good for a number of reasons.

not the least of which was Hank from Corner Gas as an evil sex-serial killer villian.

Hank?! He's the least evil, sexual, menacing character on TV. I realize that he is an actor and is allowed to play multiple roles - but really - once I realized that he was Hank that was it - it was over for me - Hank!?

one of several perfect ways to begin a day.

E: Good Morning
Serious Coffee Employee: Good Morning
E: How are you this morning.
SCE: I'm good. Medium Hazelnut Non-Fat Latte?
E: Yes. Thank you! (I love you!)

seriously. It doesn't matter that her job is to make drinks and remember customers. What matters is that I only see her like once every two weeks and she still loves me. And by loves I mean can remember my usual drink order.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Grey's Quotes

Callie - He makes my world stop. He's kind and sweet and smart and strong. He makes my world stop.
Izzy - Oh my God. George is her McDreamy.

Meredith voiceover - Life is not a spectator sport - win, lose, or draw - the game is in progress - whether we want it to be or now...... Play hard, play fast, play loose and free, play as if there is no tomorrow...... okay - so it's not whether you win or lose - it's how you play the game, right?

Best. Show. Ever.

I am just going to keep putting myself out there. Because I would rather fail or get hurt then look back with regrets.

2nd and 3rd points.

Part II - Saying nice things.

Saying nice things is important. I try to say nice things to people as much as I can. A simple thing can make somone's day. When someone tells me they like my glasses - it always makes me happy. When I had a student email me to tell me that they really enjoyed my tutorial - that made me happier than I could have imagined - when one of my friends tells me that they love me - even though I already know - it makes me feel special to hear it. Making conversation with people in shops - just to be pleasant - makes me happy. Even when my parents - who are obligated by parent-law to think highly of me say nice things - it makes me happy. When AH says "congratulations again, that's really great" two days later - that makes me happy. When I tell someone I like their pants, or how their hair looks, or how they look really good in their sunglasses - it makes me happy to be able to say it - and I imagine that it makes them happy to hear it.

Part III - Saying I love you.

I watched a movie on Friday where one of the characters said that he had an ex-girlfriend who thought saying "I love you" lost its specialness through overuse. Well I think that's just silly. What a wonderful thing to be able to say to someone - or to be able to hear from someone - I have friends whose parents rarely I love you - and I am glad that my parents are not like that - parents, friends, partners, children, anyone who is special enough for someone to love should be told it again and again - not because they doubt it - but because it affirms something about us that is so fundamently human. S. used to tell me she loved me every night and it was wonderful. I don't tell my friends enough - but I try to tell them. That being said - I would never say it if I didn't mean it - what seems to be a kind, or flippant remark in the short term - those words have a tremendous amount of power - and should be used accordingly.


I feel trapped.

I don't know what I am trapped in, but for the purposes of this second-rate metaphor lets say a maze.

I feel trapped in a maze and everytime I think I can see the end I'm right up against another wall again. And part of me wants to give up and leave the maze completely. But there is comfort in the maze, because at lease I know I am in a maze.

And part of me wants to simplify. To go from difficulty level 6 back down to difficultly level 4. But I don't want to make it easier just b/c I don't like doing what is hard - but I don't want to keep doing what is hard for the sake of doing it.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

11 things that make me happy

1) Godiva's (on Bravo)
2) Ice Cream
3) Brunch with Devin
4) Movies
5) My friends
6) Clean Clothes, sheets, me
7) Truman Capote's writing
8) Spring
9) My tutorials
10) My orchid
11) D. (Elephant Shoes)