dear abby

DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I have ever written you, but I'd like your opinion about something. Do you think that good and moral qualities in a person are taught, instilled, or just come naturally to people? I'm talking about things like honesty, optimism, sincerity, tidiness, consideration, charity, fairness, etc. -- CURIOUS IN TEHACHAPI, CALIF.

DEAR CURIOUS: I believe the qualities you mentioned are taught, modeled by parents who set examples for their children to follow. And they are instilled when a child is very young.

The other day D and I were having a nature/nurture conversation - and I was more on the side of nature than he was. So this dear Abby brought me back to that. I think I believe that things like sincerity and honesty and charity are taught more than optimism or tidiness. trust me.... if tidiness could be taught my mother would be a much happier person where I am concerned.

I think that talents are definetly nurtured - but things like athletic or musical ability or intellectual or artistic ability come more naturally to some people than others. And that many people will just hit a ceiling in how far they can go due to natural ability. And that some people just need a little bit of nuturing/encouragement to maximize some talents, and some need a lot - and obviously the solution is not to say to a child "you are not good at art, but it's okay you are good at soccer" it is to encourage them in everything, though no amount of training or coaching could make some people good enough to make varsity soccer or get into OCAD (ontario college of art and design). Because some things are very difficult to teach - like vision (be it artistic or how to sense a teammate when they are behind you)

I also think if someone is an optimist or a pessimist and other such things are for the most part innate, though they can be nurtured, or you can give someone coping strategies to deal with being a pessimist but you can't teach them to be an optimist.

That being said - it is much easier to destroy a naturally innate sense of fairness through a bad upbringing than to teach a sense of fairness or compassion to someone who is extremely selfish. And just for the record, as far as me as a person goes, my parents could not have done a better job. Sure, I might have benefited from Kumon or violin lessons or being forced to stay in dance classes against my will, but those things pale in comparrison with sincerity, compassion, charity, kindness and all that other good stuff.

change

I've been thinking lately about change.

we spend years trying to figure out who we are, and what we believe, and what we stand for, and once we figure something out, we can just put it in a little box and keep it there. decided. peremanent. part of who we are. but then someone comes along and asks "why"? Why do you think that? what assumptions have you made that are causing you to think that. look at my assumptions - aren't they valid too? and then you have to work through everything again. looking at their arguments and your beliefs and deciding what to keep and what to throw away.

and this is not always an easy thing to do. it can be very unsettling when changing beliefs can affect how you define yourself. and on the one hand, sometimes I think that if I were really strong person I would stick to my thought out beliefs no questions asked. but I think the situation is more nuanced than that. I believe that by allowing myself to question my beliefs I can gain both compassion and wisdom. and I think admitting that you are not right makes you stronger, and not weaker.

today I got really upset about something really stupid and I kept going over it in my head, and then I said - wait an hour - see how you feel then. So I did lots of things and then came back to it. and realized that though I still thought what I thought and wanted a chance to work through my thoughts and feelings outloud - that the situation as a whole was not as important, not as life and death as I thought it was. I am in this great big hurry to grow up. to appear grown up on paper. but there are many ways of growing up - most of which are not quantifiable - and owning a home, having more degrees, being married, buying a dog - these can all be things that I want to do someday - but doing them today won't make me happier. I am happy. these "grown up" things will make my life different - but not better. and at some point change for the sake of change is pointless. I want to look to the future - to choices and decisions that will affect my life - and I want to have many many options. but not forcing my hand, just because, when I am already happy now.

8 things I thought today

1) If I can't read the globe in the morning, cosmo is not a bad alternative
2) mmmm.. London Fog
3) a gentleman will not only open doors, but also stare into the sun for you
4) playing with toys is fun for children of any age
5) I used to think I didn't mind doing dishes; I was wrong
6) I watched "my three wives" and I've got to say, I don't think I'd be a big fan of having more than two people in my marriage
7) Maggie Gylanhal is gorgeous
8) it may be fall, but summer is still here in victoria

public health

From Friday's Globe and Mail.

taken from an article by Andre Picard - divided into part 1 and part 2 by me as they are two parts of the same conversation - with part one being obviously tragic and part two being less obviously but also more intensely tragic.

Part I
Each year, more than 1.6-million people worldwide die in violent circumstances and many times more are wounded, according to the World Health Organization.

Of that total, an estimated 815,000 committed suicide, 520,000 were victims of homicide and 310,000 died in armed conflicts, including terrorist attacks.

In other words, for all the news headlines about war, murder, suicide bombings and bloody mayhem, the stark reality is that most violence is self-inflicted.

In Canada, the statistics show an even greater disparity -- six suicides for every homicide. Each year, in a country of 30 million, there are about 650 homicides and 3,700 suicides.

Part II

The homicide at Dawson College last week generated unprecedented levels of media coverage because it was unusual -- very public and involving several guns.

Two young people died tragically that day: An 18-year-old woman was savagely slain, and a 25-year-old man culminated a violent outburst by taking his own life.

All the sympathy, the tears and the concern have been for Ms. De Sousa. But, from a public-health perspective, just as much -- if not more -- attention should be paid to the suicide of Kimveer Gill.

There are fewer than two homicides a day in Canada but more than 10 suicides daily -- each of them a violent act, and each of them a failure of public health.

television part II

Do you know who else is brilliant? John Doyle.

Making the counter-argument [why television is good] against this attitude [why television is bad] tends to give me a headache, so I'll keep it brief here. You want to know why many, many Canadians are uneasy about our current fighting role in Afghanistan? Try watching the most popular Canadian-made TV series of the moment. That would be Corner Gas. Nothing happens on it. There's no fighting, no gung-ho stuff about heroes and guns and mayhem, and similar themes. A bunch of people in a tiny town swap low-key jokes and get excited about what's on the menu at the local diner. The cops are a bit incompetent and crime is non-existent. The harshest word heard is a coot hissing "jackass!" Canadian viewers love it. They lap it up. It's how we see ourselves, that's why.

for the record, I also love corner gas.

television

well folks, it's that time of year again.

the new television season.

my plans for this viewing season are Grey's Anatomy and Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip.

seeing as the former hasn't aired yet, let me say why I am planning on watching the latter.

two words: aaron sorkin.

for those of you who do not know who aaron sorkin is - he is a genius. He was the creator of Sports Night, which (for those of you who do not know), was a very funny, ABC, half-hour, laugh-track-less comedy show, which first brought the beautiful and talented Feclicity Huffman into homes across America. He is also the creator of the West Wing (brilliant!) and wrote the screenplay (and possibly the play-play) for a Few Good Men - which is, without a doubt, one of my favourite moives of all time. He has fabulous ideas, dialougue, employs brilliant actors and I will jump on any aaron sorkin television bandwagon until such time that I have reason to jump off.

secondary viewing: House, Smith, Ugly Betty (i'm hearing good things people), and of course the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Of course, for the most part I will be spending my life NOT watching t.v., but that is all the more reason to take time to chose wisely with what I will watch.

celebrity, cars, and coke: reflections on 21st century society. (okay - so it's a random list of stuff - but I was trying for a clever title)

1) I am glad that I did not grow up in a small town
2) I really like David Duchovny. I like him because he has been married to the same woman for a number of years, and because he takes on a wide variety of film and movie roles, and because he can make fun of himself, and because he is extremely good looking.
3) The next time I have breakfast, I really want to have bacon and eggs and toast and hash browns and sausage. Except I don't eat bacon or sausage, but eggs and toast and hashbrowns is all too much the same. I think maybe I want to start eating (red) meat again.
4) My boyfriend is an absolutely amazing chef. Even when he's just "preparing" food and not actually making anything - it is beyond fabulous.
5) I was watching "Rich Bride, Poor Bride" on t.v. and the wedding budget was $20,000 - except the bride bought the husband an SUV as a wedding gift, putting them $40,000 over budget. They had previously decided together to buy a house before a car - and it was mostly the husband's money, not the wife's that would be paying for this car. If my partner bought me a $40,000 gift that we had decided we couldn't afford - I would probably have to completly revaluate our relationship because that to me is not a partnership.

Quote of the day:

(as said by me, in context, during a conversation with one of my friends)

"well really, there is no right age to do cocaine."

with valuable insights like that, is it any wonder that I got into graduate school?

sarah's visit

1) taxis
2) psycopathic taxi man
3) irish times pub
4) gbs and Jeremy Fisher
5) hypodermic needles
6) seafood
7) bread
8) chocolate
9) Ferris
10) water taxi
11) shopping - the bay - the gap - metrotown - robson st.
12) ice cream
13) whales
14) hot springs - rainforest - boardwalk
15) sudbury - to NYC - to LA woman and her two children
16) $100 hoodie
17) dinner with s & j
18) matching roots bags
19) american television
20) st. regis

things I am now

1) cold
2) tired
3) happy

friendship

my friend who was visiting me left yesterday.

I miss her. I miss having someone to be with - sit around with - watch t.v. with. I love living by myself - but after having a roomate for two weeks I must admit to feeling a little lonely.

when I am sad I like to think about all the people who love me. my family. my friends. I don't tell my friends how important they are enough - or that I love them enough (not that I love all my friends, sometimes I feel that word is bandied about a bit too much... but i'm making a bigger point here). and I know that they know - but I still think that we should say it more. everyone should say things like that more. so people know. because everyone likes to know/be reminded of the fact that there are people out there who love them and value them and care about them. and it's hard being so far away from my friends. vancouver. toronto. hamilton. waterloo. london. belfast. ireland. tucson. boston. and all the friends I have lost touch with - who could be anywhere. I want to go to the starbucks on avenue road, or common ground, or empires (the one with the penguins) on botanic, or serious coffee in oak bay, or that place in chinatown that I love, or heck, even finnerty's and sit and talk and laugh over over-priced, elborately named coffee-type-beverages. I want to be with many different people in many different places - but I can't. I am here. and really - here is not so bad. here has a lot going for it. in fact, the only bad thing I have to say about here, is that here is not there.

random thoughts

Some days I think that I know myself so well - and other days I think that I haven't a clue. Some days I think that I am excellent example of a human being and other days I think I am horrible person. I am far too judgemental - even though I am much less judgemental than I used to be.

And it is complicated because the way we understand ourselves is through comparing ourselves with others (not like "A is more judegmental than me") but just because how else do we understand ourselves except through our knowledge of others and how we relate and interact with others. There is no self without the other (Hegelian line of thinking). And so everyday I strive to better understand myself and to be a better person - and I am learning (at least I think I am) - and sometimes, someone else will be nice enough, or perceptive enough, to point something out to me that helps me to grow and to learn to become a better version of myself.

we all need a dream

my dream job would be to be just like Reverend Camdon on 7th Heaven and to go around solving the problems of everyone in my town. I am completely serious.

little miss sunshine

On Friday evening we went out for sushi and to see little miss sunshine - both of which were excellent. the sushi was fabulous and is reason alone to live on the west coast and the movie was really good and very fun. yesterday was excellent - and involved lying on the beach, coming home and accidently lying on my bed and getting sand in my clean sheets, cooking, ice cream, and flightplan. this week will involve schoolwork, getting a new desk, maybe more cooking, and preparing for sarah's arrival.

often during the week I will hear or see something funny which I think "that would make a great blog entry" and then I never get around to writing about it or I forget and then I am disappointed. At the same time - it's not like I post so infrequently that I should really be making an effort to do it more often.

Final thought - Seth won Kept and is now offically jerry hall's kept man. Had I been in Jerry's shoes I would have made the same choice.

violet

I think that if I could look like anyone (besides me) I would want to look like the girl who plays Violet on Coronation Street. I realize that no one who reads this probably knows who that is - but I think that she is super pretty.

antique cars

today was the annual blethering room tea house antique car show in oak bay. I came home from school early in order to make sure I got to go - and it was super cool. Now I know nothing about antique cars, but not a lot happens in Oak Bay so I wanted to make a special effort to check it out. I saw Model Ts and Model As and a car from 1911 and everything was original except for the clutch. Lots of old cadillacs, jags, three or four sunbeam tigers (my uncle used to have one which is the only reason I know what it is). But what most impressed me was the shear number of people who came out for it - it was crazy seeing thousands of people in Oak Bay village on what otherwise would have been a sleepy sunday afternoon.

little miss popularity

today when i got home I had three messages on my answering machine. THREE!! and only one was from my mother.

on cooking

Anyone who knows me, knows that there are many things which I cannot do, many of which I would like to be able to do.

The number one thing that I would like to do, is that I would like to be able to sing well; however, I have resigned myself to the fact that this will probably never happen.

So, the time has come to focus on thing number two: being able to cook. Note, I did not write "being able to cook well", at this point in time, I would be happy with simply being able to cook. So for the past four days I have begun to cook. I own one cook book (courtesy of alexandra) which contains these things, which I believe are called "recipes" which are very helpful when trying to cook. In the past four days I have poached fish, made a curry, and rice pilaf. Now I am still not exactly what "pilaf" means - but it sure sounds fancy. I think that part of the reason for this new interest is that I am going to need to eat for the rest of my life eating, and until I become independently wealthy, I will have to cook the majority of the food that I eat myself. And I think that the other reason is that having a partner who is an excellent (professional) chef, has sort of shamed me into learning some basic culinary skills.

Also.
1 week until D reutrns to Vic.
2 weeks until Sarah arrives in Vic.
8 months until I defend

shopgirl

Earlier this week I rented the movie shopgirl, starring steve martin, claire danes and jason swartzman. I really liked it (a lot!) - and I preferred it to Lost in Translation, which seems to me to be similar in many respects.

In any case, part of the plot has Claire Danes pursued by the two male leads, and for a large part of the film she is involved in an intimate relationship with the Steve Martin character. After watching this movie, I decided that I really don't think I could be intimately invovled with someone in the their fifties (I already knew this before watching the movie, but watching the movie made me think about it some more). Even if they were very wealthy (clearly not a reason to become involved with someone, but again I digress), I think that I would just feel too far apart from them (generationaly, emotionaly etc.).

I think that I could be comfortably involved with someone who was, at the most, 9 years older than me at this point in my life. I don't know why - but that is the arbitary number that makes sense in my head. Of course, my ideal partner would be approximately 1 year, 5 months and 9 days older than me. That strikes me as just about perfect.

life and choices

Where will I be in six years?

I don't know. And even if I suspect what might or might not be, I am going to try not to get ahead of myself and instead let my life unfold - and make choices when I need to make to choices - knowing that they will sometimes be right and sometimes be wrong and can always be revisited.

calgary-17+1

I have now officially visited my fifth Canadian province - Alberta! Land of Alberta beef, the Flames, that other team, Banff, the Badlands, and lots of other cool stuff.

1) mcnally's bookstore and amy's mom's books
2) learning the difference between "streets" and "avenues"
3) public transit aka the c-train
4) cherry pie, blueberry pie, and cheese curds
5) watching street legal and poker
6) stripey drumheller rocks
7) spinning rings which make me sad because they aren't really moving
8) small children everywhere
9) being super happily surprised by the zoo
10) amy amy amy
11) kensington
12) a surprise trip to crave
13) phantom, phantom, phantom
14) finding out kirsten's kids really are as cute as everyone thinks
15) dim sum
16) boston
17) food-poo shirt under black light
18) dmt (^3)