Things I have been thinking about:

1) Leapfrog educational games for children. You know what is educatoinal? Reading to your children. Talking to your children. Playing with your children. Making-up stories with your children. Listening with your children. Do these things and you will drastically increase your chances of having happy, well-rounded, intellgent children. That is how your children will became well-adjusted, smart kids. Not sitting in the backseat of the car or in the livingroom while you wax nogalstic about how well they are being taught (parented?) by an army of mircochips!

2) Why is the weather mad at Victoria? Why did it snow. And then snow. and then rain. and then be very cold. why are my shoes wet and my toes cold and my super warm sweaters in toronto?

3) Eggnog chai lattes. I totally forgot you could get those. And I really want one.

4) Britney Spears. Why. Why. Why. On second thought, I don't think the answer would actually be very interesting.

Is it just me?

I try and I try and I try, but despite my best intentions, I cannot, for the life of me, properly fold a fitted sheet.

on growing up

It is Saturday morning. I am reading the Globe and Mail online and watching Felicity and it just occured to me how much older I feel than I did when I started first year. It also just occured to me that that was five years ago. And I would like to think that 18 year old me would be reassured to see the 23 year old me. All the fear and insecurity that comes with being 18, alone for the first time, trying to navigate the complex world of friendships, relationships, partying, school etc. And not that I have since mastered all those things, but I no longer worry nearly so much. Though I think at some point I will miss the drama and excitment which comes from being young and always having the promise of the next adventure around the corner. I think that the key is to keep up the ideal of adventure as an adult (this becomes infinitely more complicated when you have children, I'm sure). In conclusion, even if I haven't done it perfectly, I think that maybe I like this growing up business.

good thing/bad thing

bad thing: having a bad day
good thing: knowing that that means tomorrow will be better

bad thing: having a bad day
bad thing: knowing that the next day wil be exactly the same, and the same again after that, and not being able to figure out how to change things
good thing: faith that sometimes things just change themselves/that you change even if you're not exactly sure when or how

tragedy continued.

Imagine in five or ten or twenty years time being the boys who were allowed to leave the school. How could you ever forgive yourself? How at the age of 40 do you reconcile your life being spared when you were 10, when the life of your sister was not.

For that matter, imagine being one of the men whose life was spared at Ecole Polytechnique in 1988. They were not children, they chose to leave those women there to die. I am not saying they should have choosen to stay and die as well, or that they should have maytred themselves, leaving their own famillies to grieve. I am just saying, what an unbelievably difficult choice. And how different and yet the same the two situations are. How situations which are so obviously tragic are also so subtlely tragic. And I think, for me, it is almost more the subtle tragedies which are the most deeply affecting.

random thoughts

Some days I think that I know myself so well - and other days I think that I haven't a clue. Some days I think that I am excellent example of a human being and other days I think I am horrible person. I am far too judgemental - even though I am much less judgemental than I used to be.

And it is complicated because the way we understand ourselves is through comparing ourselves with others (not like "A is more judegmental than me") but just because how else do we understand ourselves except through our knowledge of others and how we relate and interact with others. There is no self without the other (Hegelian line of thinking). And so everyday I strive to better understand myself and to be a better person - and I am learning (at least I think I am) - and sometimes, someone else will be nice enough, or perceptive enough, to point something out to me that helps me to grow and to learn to become a better version of myself.