a happy-go-lucky kind of evening coffee

i just got back from coffee.

K. who works there was in just visiting and we were talking - then a 40something regular joined in. they talked about death for a while. his mother had a stroke and vividly remembers her childhood - though no so much now. apparently she might have had a child who she had to give up?

in any case - they began talking about death. I don't really think I have a fear of death. So then I tried to think about it b/c maybe i'm just repressing my fear. though it's not really a nice subject to dwell on in any case. i definetly have a fear of others people's deaths. but not really my own so much. i definetly have a fear of pain. but death? i don't particularly want to die - nor would i want the people I love to have to deal with that - but if it were quick and painless i think i could handle that.

now to do more foucault. slow deep breaths and prayer will help me through this. i'm not really sure how the prayer will help since they won't really be directed to anyone.... but they can't hurt.

and it's not like i can fail my masters.... or so i think.