nothing interesting. again.

haha!! 97 views!!! 3 more and i'm at 100. views!!!!!

i think gilmore girls is a rerun. excellent. not tempted to watch it.

two comments!

i see that my last post illicted not one, but two comments!! that's the kind of attitude we like here!

also - i told larry that i was in love (qualifying what i meant be love) and he told me not to get carried away and to take things slowly. this is why i don't ask larry boy questions!! however - he also said he was happy for me. which was good.

i need to leave my D-haze and do schoolwork. bah!

also - degrassi the next generation. awesome!

final g.a. thought.

how do we know how much is too much?

grey's anatomy quotes

Seriously – why don’t guys understand than when you pick them up in bars and then take them home for sex there are no white picket fences or children in our future – Meredith Grey

A future of one night stands and problematic penius is not what you want. You want better and you deserve better - George

it's a key. just a key. or you could start thinking about moving in with me - Dr. Burke

can i just add that i really like D. and that right now he is also watching grey's anatomy. and that is fabulous. all is fabulous. we are meeting for coffee tomorrow :)

status report.

still love D.

working on paper. took many hours to get started. now writing about 2pages an hour. this is good.

now i am going to make dinner. then more work. then maybe Grey's Anatomy break. It depends how far along i am.

sunday morning

i can hear birds outside my window!!

and i am ridiculously happy.

Campus coffee – a post in 2 parts

Part I – who pre-writes blog posts?!?!?

Today I spent at school. There were very few highlights as it was Saturday and I was in a locked building. (which implies that I, yes me, have KEYS to a building – if I were a better theory student I would now read something into that about access to power and knowledge and how that access is granted or denied – but to be quite honest – I don’t care at all)

Right now I’m sitting in a freakin’ awesome coffee shop called “campus coffee” (note: this coffee shop is NOT on campus. Seriously). I am eating yummy thai chicken soup. It’s is just past 5:30. I am supposed to go to D’s around 7 or 8. I’m not sure why so late – but whatever. I will have coffee and (maybe) work on my essay to kill the time. This place is playing some pretty cool, fairly random, but familiar music. Which is good, but not conducive to writing.

Part II - Mocha Maddness!

Ohmigd. i just ordered their holiday mocha. So it’s the usual with the mint syrup etc. but they make it with chocolate milk and chocolate whip cream (I know!!) and top it with crushed up bits of candycane!!! I think I’m in love.

You don’t have to say you love me, just be close at hand
You don’t have to stay forever, I will understand
Because you’re a holiday mocha, I will drink you up
Because you’re so sweet and yummy, I want to empty my cup.
Believe me. Believe me.

Broadway here I come!!!

sat 10:17am

this is me.

sat. morn.

at school. sitting in the reading room. waiting for the kettle to boil so i can make tea.

tonight i'm going to Ds. did i mention he watches grey's anatomy? i think we might be soul mates! i don't actually think that.

i hate school. the end.

D.

okay. i love D. we just went out. fourth date in three days (though he says its our first proper date). yeah. i have a making-out dehyrdration headache at the moment and i have to get up in like 6hours and be a student again.

part II

i have become really cynical and second-guessing myself in a way i never used to. or don't think i used to. i've totally now adopted at least new several neurosis, curtesy, may I just say, of aes. anyways... more on this later. by this i mean my neurosis.

now it is 7:06 and i'm not dressed nor is my apt. at all clean. damn.

the end of the last 10 months of my life

wow. i am really happy. i really hope this works.

also - there is a moth in my apartment. boo. ahhhhh!! now it's flying about.

okay. also. i am so lucky. i have the most awesome girlfriends in the world. i love you all!! (i don't know where this just came from. i think b/c i've talked to so many of them in the last week so i feel especially special at the moment).

good things.

ohmigd i'm in love. love!

okay. so i'm not actually in love. but i'm majorly in like. head over heels in like. (did i mention he likes me too!)

bad things.

wow. a whole day in half without my posting. what is this world coming to.

okay me now:
super freaked out about school. need to use brain. need to think. need to do work.
just finished dinner. coronation street is on. was supposed to go with lawschool steph for drinks but too much work to do. plus she was going to call and she hasn't. so i left a msg. on her machine saying that i still wanted to go but if she was going to cancel that was okay. plus last nite when she called to see if we were still on she totally sounded like she wanted to cancel - but felt bad so she wasn't going to.

so now i am going to post and then i'm going to go to starbucks and then i'm going to do work. because now it's at the point where i don't have a choice anymore. double fuck. also i am going to buy milk.

house quote

"If two people have sex, unless it sucks, they're going to do it again. and that's when the trouble starts." -- Dr. Chase

pretty blah.

diva cup = super cool

watching house. met a cute boy in virtual reality.

also - when i'm 40 i want to look like sela ward and i want to marry someone who looks like (and talks like) hugh laurie.

at the moment i have a rather unattractive pimple. that's unfortunate. i also really really want orange juice. but i don't have any. that makes me sad. wow. my life is just hard at the moment.

mp has started her blog again. i would like to think that i was the inspiration behind this. but i won't give myself that much credit. today i had a turkey sandwich for brunch and a tuna sandwich for dinner. I should probably try to eat properly tomorrow. balance out today.

so today was not really a great day. not a bad day. but not a great day. i think i'm just tired.

warning: girl stuff. (i don't really believe that. how a women's body ebbs and flows should be beautiful and celebrated - but it's not)

it's 2am. i think i am getting my second wind. in future - i should just not put myself in such posititions - i.e. where i still need to be awake and get a second wind. oh man. tomorrow will be rough.

but why i'm really posting is b/c i got my period. okay. hardly exciting. but when i was in van-city with T. she made me buy a diva cup (it's like the keeper. if you don't know what either of these two things are - do not pass GO. do not collect $200). so anyways. i am wearing it. it feels really weird. like its in correctly. i can't feel it, painful feel it. but i can feel it inside of me. if anyone is interested i will update you on how it goes. i don't think i'm going to wear it to school - at least not tomorrow. i don't want to have to deal with giving a presentation and simaltaneously freaking out b/c... yeah. okay. those are my thoughts.

update

2) have a phone number for the future love of my life

life or something like it

it's one thing when you are exhibiting behavior which is maybe not perfect behavior - maybe even questionable - but what about people who who think they are exhibiting constructive behavior - when really its more questionable than perhaps they think. not destructive - but maybe worthy of reflection. or maybe we just shouldn't try to look into what's going on in other people's lives. i mean fuck. i don't get mine - who am i to think i could get anyone elses?

tonight is drinks with C. it hasn't happened so i have nothing to say about it at the moment.

i went to the bank to get money out for said date - but then realized i did not have my debit card. fortunetly i found it in my coat pocket at home so now i can get money out in advance and not look like some crazy - cashless individual. i hope he's an officer - but i guess its okay if he's not.

also - today i talked to sarah for two hours. i can feel my wallet hurting already. but it's okay. it was worth it. (sing-song voice) i get to belfast!! what an amazing adventure. i have to figure out my schedule for next term so i can buy a plane ticket!! it will be the most funnest planride ever!! like a million freaking hours!

check out http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/ to sign their fancy list of americans who are concerned about global warming.

okay. that's me.

update

T. hasn't heard anything about such a wedding. so we will continue to wait.

bed time

Sat nite. stayed in to get work done. amount of work done: zero. damn.

so. marriage. yeah. big step. is there anyone getting married that maybe i should know about. (cough cough). any thoughts. if not - then i guess that all will reveal itself in time. though it would be nice if it were to reveal itself sooner. "reveal" makes me think of doing a striptease. to cheesy 70s porn music. that makes me laugh.

travelling pants and learning.

my god! that movie was fabulous. i want travelling pants. actually - i would settle for pants which stayed in one place which fit me perfectely and in which wonderful things happened to me. or i suppose - i which i learned important lessons about myself. acutally - i think that i am learning important lessons about myself. i haven't quite figured out what they are - but i am defininetly in the middle of learning them. and there is no real reason for me to put myself in a position for this learning - i mean - its not something i need to be doing right now - heck it's probably not something i even have time to be doing right now - and though this is not exactly an example of carpe diem - i seem to have had something of a lack of carpe diem opportunities of late - so maybe i am just trying to position myself so i'll have more. oh heck. i don't know. it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

dinner and ice cream and breakfast

now i am watching law and order.

tonight for dinner i had salmon and brocolli and mushrooms. talk about healthy. and yummy!!! yay for wild, fresh, atlantic salmon! and yay for cooking. it's been about a week :)

i also bought ice cream! yay for ice cream!!

tonight i was going to watch sisterhood of the travelling pants - but then S. called and invited me for drinks at my local - so i am going to do that instead.

and tomorrow morning i will go to star. and buy some fresh bread and watch the movie with brekkie. i know i'm excited!

does size matter? a gendered analysis of body part size - or - more sharing

posting. there hasn't been a long post in a while. or an interesting one. let's see where this one goes - shall we?

okay. so. here is my question. does size matter?

now. i tend to like big guys. tall, broad etc. but i've gone out with slim guys and short guys (not short short but like my height) and it's all good. as for me, i realize that i will never be a size 6 - but i'm not too bothered. and i am very happy with the size of my breasts - so really - i think i'm pretty good to go. and both of those things people can tell pretty quickly about me. like at a bar - a guy can see what i look like, how big my boobs are etc. and he can judge me or not judge me based on those things. and that's his choice.

but there are some sizes which may or may not matter which hide. some sizes which can only be discovered after a fair about of intamacy. now i've seen some guys who are average size. i've a couple who are above average. and i've watched sex and the city. i know that below average is out there. maybe it was only a matter of time before i came across it. well people. that time is now. it can be small. really small. i think i always just thought that some people thought not-big = small. but it doesn't. because there is small. and on a big guy.... oh i'm a horrible person.

so in conclusion. people judge people. and the judging occurs at many points along the "getting to know you" journey. and though i am still hesitant to conclude that size matters - let's just say.... it doesn't not.

my favourite quote ever

this summer i saw this on a card at a card shop at yonge and st. clair and i really liked it. i tried to memorize it on the spot - but that failed.

so two days in the uvic bookstore i see this same quote on a card (though the physical card was not as nice) and I wrote it down so that i will always have a record of it.

"The aim of life is to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenly, divinely, aware." - Henry Miller

that is my goal. i think that if i were to live my life like that i could die happy.

House Quote.

"you'd be surprised what you can live with."

(said in the context of you'd be surprised at the actions which you take which you are able to justify to yourself - to live with - because after all - after the fact - what choice do you have?)

a happy-go-lucky kind of evening coffee

i just got back from coffee.

K. who works there was in just visiting and we were talking - then a 40something regular joined in. they talked about death for a while. his mother had a stroke and vividly remembers her childhood - though no so much now. apparently she might have had a child who she had to give up?

in any case - they began talking about death. I don't really think I have a fear of death. So then I tried to think about it b/c maybe i'm just repressing my fear. though it's not really a nice subject to dwell on in any case. i definetly have a fear of others people's deaths. but not really my own so much. i definetly have a fear of pain. but death? i don't particularly want to die - nor would i want the people I love to have to deal with that - but if it were quick and painless i think i could handle that.

now to do more foucault. slow deep breaths and prayer will help me through this. i'm not really sure how the prayer will help since they won't really be directed to anyone.... but they can't hurt.

and it's not like i can fail my masters.... or so i think.

music

tonight i have phantom of the opera and the streets in my head. this is a very interesting combination. to be quite honest i am a little concerned. what is my subconscious trying to tell me.

must do work. so can go to sleep!!

grey's anatomy. again.

again. grey's anantomy is amazing.

the scene at the end with meredith and derek (is that his name - dr. mcdreamy) i swear i could feel it/know exactly what it feels like. incidently - if i wasn't me - i would totally make fun of me right now.

and now I am marking. this is not my priority but i have to do it eventually so.... why not now?

upon returning from van-city. yes. they really do call it that.

quickly now children. quickly.

school - i am going to die. let's just leave it at that.

what else.

vancouver fucking rocked my world man!!

new things I love:
25th and main
sushi
spoken word poetry
shane and other assorted hippies
skytrain
gastown at night and twinkle lights
gas stations in the ocean (though i'm aware this might not actually be a good thing)
all things organic
bruce lee

also - my wintering in europe trip has now been expanded to include belfast. so it's now geneva, belfast, and budapest. sadly - these cities are no where near each other. and i'm a grad student who is supposed to be doing school.

meh.

at this moment. life is good.

as are chai eggnog lattes. mmmmm....

oh well. Grey's anatomy tonite. SWEET!

V.

off to the van-city! (do people call it that)?

but first school. school on reading break? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

packing is much harder for a winter holiday than a summer holiday (and it's not even real winter!)

back on sunday.

important conclusion

okay - if i want people to comment on my blog i think that i am going to have to give the address to more than the two people who have it now. okay three - but i don't think V. has visited - so two. see - when i started the blog i was like "oh - whatever - i don't care if no one reads it - i'm not an emotional exhibitionist". wrong! i clearly am. maybe i should start posting comments on other blogs with my blog address so people will click on the link. not spam comments clearly.

or.... i could get a life and post only for me - like i was going to - and not care who else reads it - on the assumption that i will acutally continue to TALK with my friends so that if something of any importance is happening they will no. that and i'll start emailing out random song lyrics. i should stop thinking about blogs so much. again - just to acknowledge - that i'm well aware of my lateness on jumping on this bandwagon. so really - this commentary - while cutting edge four years ago - is now truly cutting room floor material. and yet.... post!

looking eastward

"For William Davis, Premier of Ontario (1971-1985), who asked 'Ontario! Is there any place you'd rather be?' You betcha, Bill."

Watching the Apples Grow

It's early up Ontario farm, Chicken crow for day
I wish I grew Annapolis apples up above Fundy Bay
Oh it seems so far away

On the ridge above Acadia's town to the valley down below
The evening shadow falls upon the families listening to the radio
And watching the apples grow.

(CHORUS)Down on the farm, back among the family, away from Ontario
Hear the ladies singing to the men, dancing it heel and toe
And watching the apples grow.

Ontario, y'know I've seen a place I'd rather be
Your scummy lakes and the City of Toronto don't do a damn thing for me
I'd rather live by the sea.

I've watched the V's of geese go by, the foxfoot in the snow
I've climbed the ridge of Gaspereaux Mt., looking to the valley below
And watching the apples grow.

(Repeat Chorus Twice)

Stan Rogers

In case you missed it - the song is about nova scotia

cuddling.

okay.

i am talking to A. on the phone right now. which is nice. our conversation reminded me of perry mason and "passionate handholding" circa 7th or 8th grade. this was not my passionate handholding. though i definetly had passionate holdholding experiences - however - i do not believe that ever once referred to them as such.

this whole thing with A+J is so quite confusing. i am glad that i am not in a confusing situation. however - i wish that i was in a cute cuddling relationship. cuddling is the greatest thing ever. so that is good. well not for me - because i am not in a cute cuddling relationship - but it is good for people who are.

90210

blogs - what are they good for. nuttin.

moving on.

aersino hall is on t.v. talking about the american idol judges. how random? jason priestly is also on t.v. talking about random stuff. jason then and now. pre and post crash. oh 90210 gang - where did you go? kelly. donna. ian ziering. david silver. brandon and brenda. and of course - bad boy dylan. and andrea. remember andrea. from first kisses to going all the way. those were the days. i guess maybe those are still the days - oh - now i'm confused.

today had it's good moments and its bad moments. it actually had many good moments and one bad moment. so i will focus on the good moments. school i s getting stressful again - but at least its getting "actual work" stressful as opposed to freaking out with no direction stressful.

movies

i want to see the following movies:

elizabethtown
jarhead
the charlize theron coal mine movie
shopgirl
rent

the last two in particular. movies!!

what else do i want? thai food and indian food. not right now - but more in general.

oh and a boyfriend. i want a boyfriend. (that's just an afterthought)

and a new haircut. and a puppy.

okay - it was going to be just the movies. but i guess that i just got carried away. i'm sure that if i thought about it i would have far more - but maybe that's enough for tonight.

office hours and GENEVA

i am sitting in my office. i have been sitting here (sitting as well as pacing) for the past 1 hour and 12 minutes. and let me just say that i am very bored. bored. maybe i should offer to inflate people's marks if they come visit me in office hours.

what i should be doing is my work. SHOULD being the operative word. i am pretty far behind on most stuff. not like deathly far behind - but definetly a decent amount.

i have to meet with people and tell them that i am no where near where i thought i would be - and try to come up with some sort of good excuse.

today i made an offhand remark about stress and wanting to kill myself - and melissa, who i made to - got all concerned - it was really nice. and not to worry - i will find a far more productive way to deal with my stress.

and i definetly don't want to kill myself because i am going to geneva in feburary! well - subject to final approval from mum and amy. (you see that - i need final approval from you when you return from the great white norweign north). but my daddy said i could go - so it's all good. apparently geneva is a "government" town - but whatever - so are ottawa and brussells and they are both pretty cool places. i can speak french!! okay - there is no way i will actually speak french - but i could. mountains! i realize that at the moment i live very close to mountains - but it's not like i can see them out my bedroom window - so - mountains!!

yes - only 10minutes left until i am free! then i will go to the library and then meet with profs and go to class and go home and (please god) do work.

foucault

today is wednesday.

today i read some foucault. tomorrow i will read some more foucault.

now i will go make a smoothie.

one more thing

i understand that understanding girls if you are a boy can be hard.

but when a girl is being extremely transparent you should understand what she is thinking.

ohmigd. i've turned into a "you should know what i'm thinking girl."

fuck. where did i go wrong? at this moment i am a hypocrite.

note to self: work on that.

haircuts, sweaters and house

okay

so house is on - and though i missed the first 15mintues - there main guest character is a man who works as a doctor in africa. SAVING THE WORLD. I think it's a sign. a sign that i should continue my reading re: saving the world. not acutally saving - but traversing the philosophical writings on saving the world

I want to see shopgirl!!

I want my hair to look like Claire Danes. But it does not. I got my hair cut today. It looks good right now. i am deeply concerned that it will not look good tomorrow. i wasn't going to cut it and instead grow it long again - but this morning i decided i wanted it shorter. plus i have alex's voice in the back of my head saying (what kind of uninteresting individual doesn't change their hair?) and so i foolishly gave the young hair dresser a little more discredition than i might usually. so now i have a hair cut which is many different lengths.

also today i bought a fabulous sweater at jacob. and another sweater which i will return on the weekend (b/c on second thought it was not so fabulous). fabulous! i will wear it on friday for lunch with canadian poli prof #1. i get to participate in four lunches with polisci prof candidates and be the grad rep and report on the opinions/views of the grad students. which i am quite looking forward to. i think i might wear a skirt. fun!

also - elexa (the new female sex products from trojan) has produced a vibrating ring. i'm not really sure how such a thing would work - but how cool does that sound. i saw it in shoppers today - it was a little pricey - but think of the potential!

today was a pretty good day. i'm pretty happy about it. hopefully we can repeat tomorrow.